“Brian, the Power-Bottom Bear”
(previously published as “Brian the Poo and His PlayStation 2”)
from my forthcoming book of gay bedtime stories, Night-Night Sodomite
Brian was angry. “How could Teddy say no?” he wondered aloud. He looked at Jerry the Gerbil, sitting quietly in his cage, nibbling on a piece of arugula. Brian stared at Jerry, waiting for him to answer, but it didn’t happen. It never did. Sometimes Jerry made Brian feel more alone than he already was.
Brian went to his bedroom and stood in front of the mirror. ‘Why, there’s nothing wrong with me at all!” he thought to himself. “My head is tan and my hair is short, just like Teddy likes.” Brian turned around and craned his neck to see his behind. “Firm and fuzzy like always.” He leaned over and peered into the mirror from between his own legs. It was funny to see the world upside-down! “My woo-woo couldn’t be any cleaner,” he said, “so it’s not that, either!” Brian stood up too fast and got so dizzy, he fell on the floor. Whee!
Laying there on the shag carpet, Brian thought about Teddy. He remembered seeing Teddy at a birthday party the week before. It was a fun party–there was cake and ice cream and a pony and a sling! And then everyone went into the basement, and someone turned out the lights! Brian was sitting next to Teddy, and he got that funny feeling in his special area. He reached out to touch Teddy, but then someone turned the lights on again, and Brian saw Teddy kissing a girl! Ew!
“Maybe that’s it!” Brian said as he sat up. “Maybe Teddy wants me to be like a girl!” Brian ran to his mommy’s closet and took out one of her old housecoats. He put it on and pranced around in front of his bedroom mirror. Gosh, he looked funny! But he looked kind of good, too! After dancing a little while, Brian got that special feeling he sometimes gets. He knelt down and pulled an extra-large bottle of AstroGlide from under his bed and touched his ho-ho ’till it made a mess. Then he was tired!
In another minute or two, Brian had forgotten all about Teddy and how he slammed the door in Brian’s face that afternoon. Brian took off his mommy’s housecoat and rolled around on it until he was cleaned up. Then he played Space Channel 5 all afternoon, ’till his daddy called him downstairs to dinner.
THE END
Inspired by–who else?–the one and only Frank Green.
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