For the 1,347th time: I don’t give a flying fig profiterole about having a frilly, overpriced marriage ceremony in a church or a chapel or a cathedral or a synagogue or a mosque or a carcass-strewn clearing outside Salem, Massachusetts. All I want is the peace of mind that comes with knowing that were I ever to be run down by a cell phone-wielding, SUV-driving Minnesotan tourist while crossing the godforsaken intersection of Canal Street and St. Charles Avenue, my boyfriend would have the right–nay, the duty–to unplug my ass from the wall.
So all you self-appointed protectors of the US Constitution go right ahead and pass your “Federal Marriage Amendment” or your “Marriage Protection Act” or your “Adultery is for Breeders Resolution.” The gays are a peaceful but crafty people: no matter how much spiteful, hateful legislation you throw our way, we’ll find a way to institute a system of civil unions that allows us to accumulate and perpetuate family wealth just as you and your round-peg-round-hole friends do.
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