Dear goddess,
Let me begin by thanking you for the many things you have given me–including, but not limited to, a healthy level of melanin, a staunchly medium frame, and eyes that elicit comments like, “Well, those are interesting.” You done real good.
That said, I’d like to ask you to demonstrate your kindness once again by preventing this hideous campaign from ever catching on in middle America. Please use your supernatural powers to make the citizens of this great nation understand that these ads are dated, derivative, and very, very unfunny. (It may help to remind them of Right Said Fred.) Please also use those same powers to remaind a certain creative director about a campaign for a very short-lived sandwich called the McLean, which taught us that ads which demean or belittle a product are bad for business–unless, of course, you’re in the business of losing clients. In sum, we (meaning “I”) want to see this campaign crashing, burning, drawn, quartered, and spat upon by 99 Croatian war widows.
Warmly,
Richard
P.S. Has anyone told you that your hair’s looking especially good these days? It’s true. Very flattering…
sturtle [dot] com 