I could be getting out the vote. I could be pressing flesh and working a room. Or at the very least, I could be striking and spiking (’cause I’ve worked in theatre before, and I know the lingo).
Instead, I’m thinking about the 32-page Memorandum of Understanding drawn up by the Bush and Kerry camps to govern the presidential (and vice presidential) debates. Specifically, I’m wondering…
- Did the Memorandum insist that both Bush and Kerry wear dark suits? ‘Cause John Kerry’s clearly a “winter” and can pull that shit off, but GW’s advisor oughtta be shot–it’s painfully obvious that he’s an “autumn,” people! I think a nice russet-colored crew-neck sweater would have better captured the healthy ruddiness of his cheeks and the bloodthirsty glint in his hawkish, beady eyes. Not to mention the effect such things could have on one of his key demographics: I mean, everybody knows that a sweater is the key to a soccer mom’s heart.
- Did the Memorandum insist that both candidates wear white shirts? ‘Cause even with their expensive, sporty, fakebake tans, the shirts came off looking cheap–like button-down, oxford-cloth, Hagar-sales-rack-crap. They made Kerry and Bush look like nothing so much as gigolo waiters on the Riviera, each hoping to suck the money–and, as a necessary evil, certain bodily fluids–out of lonely, well-heeled widows and widowers.
- Did the Memorandum insist that tie choices be limited to red and blue? And did it indicate which candidate could wear which color to each debate? See, I was under the impression that green is the new orange, which, a few short years ago, was itself the new black. And, frankly, I’d rather have a fashion-conscious president who’s a little more sartorially adventurous instead of a leader whose complete commitment to 80s-esque power ties is bound to encourage behind-the-back laughter from allies we really need right now–notably the French, Italians, and Germans.
Now, if none of this is set out in the Memorandum, what does that say about men’s clothing and power? That the only way to convey gravitas is via a navy suit and monochromatic tie? Count me out, Mary–I’ll hang with the aesthetes.
Of course, if I were so inclined, I could sit down and actually read the damn thing, but why would a lazy schmoe like me wanna do something like that?
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