sturtle [dot] com

After much trial and error, after months of experimentation both fruitless and fruitful (and, it goes without saying, fruity), I have finally done it: I have cracked the secret code of the contemporary culinary elite! I and I alone will reveal to you the master plan by which modern chefs operate! Though contemporary menus appear complex to the everyday observer, to trained eyes such as my own, they consist of a finite number of ingredients, ordered by a facile mix-and-match formula so as to appear random and exotic.

The process is simple: in each category, match one item from column A with an item from column B. By the time you reach the bottom, you’re ready to work as a sous chef at Balthazar. Bon apetit, my dears…