Last night as I was walking home from the gym, I witnessed the most tragically trashy thing I’ve seen in a very long time: a guy on a ladder painting a house, mousy brown hair sprouting like unruly weeds from a well-used, non-ironic trucker’s cap; a scruffy, Lynyrd Skynyrd-esque beard covering a field of ingrown hairs along his chin and neck; pants sagging to the bottom of his very fat ass, revealing a massive beer gut and tighty-whiteys so filthy that my father wouldn’t even use them to wax his car.
White freaking hot.
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