For the record, I’m not a Star Wars fan. I mean, yes, when I was a kid, I went to see the first one–knowing absolutely nothing about it–and I had a good time. I was even inclined to plunk down the five or six bucks to see The Empire Strikes Back when it came out a couple of years later. Since then, though, I’ve steered clear of Monsieur Lucas’ saccharine, moralistic oeuvre, and unless I’m hungover on the sofa and the remote stops working just as I’m clicking past Attack of the Clones or whatever, I have no intention of sitting through his work in the future.
That said, my friend Jim did come up with an amusing list of names you’re unlikely to see in a Star Wars film. My favorites:
- Darth Crabby
- Darth Finicky
- Darth Nauseous
- Darth Twinkles
- Darth Jeff
- Darth Tubby (“Um…I ate it….”)
- Darth Jemima
- Darth Dennis
- Darth Studious (“Love to join the boarding party, fellas, but it’s a school night.”)
To which I’d add:
- Darth Betty
- Darth Yolanda
- Darth Shequida
- Darth Boom-Boom
- Darth Julio
- Darth Britney
- Darths Ira & Gladys Finkelstein
- Darth Natty Bumpo
- Darth Cuddles
- Darth Foxy
- Darth Rod
- and of course, Darth Pussy Terwilliger
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