ODDS & ENDS
- Valerie Bertinelli came to me in a dream last night. On the phone. She called me. We talked for a very long time. She was flirty. Coquettish. She confided that she was not wearing a bra, and she made little kissing noises. She insisted that she is not–as the loathsome Kirstie Alley claims–fat; she is merely voluptuous. I put her on hold and made myself a sandwich.
- Former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey now says he wants to be a priest. But it’s not simply another case of a self-loathing cockgobbler hitching himself to the church or the military or some other homophobic institution with a uniform fetish. No, Jimmy’s doing it the classy way. He’s converted to the Episcopal church–you know, the one that ordains gay priests? And he’s joined a seminary. In Manhattan. In Chelsea. Apparently, someone wants to have his cakeboy and eat him, too. (Side note: Jim’s domestic life isn’t so rosy, being complicated in part by Jonno’s closepersonalfriend, photographer Richard Rinaldi, who has a penchant for taking pictures of naked men.)
- Today’s Times-Picayune features the hilarious headline Drug dealer suspect nabbed on toilet! Then they go and ruin it all in the first paragraph by explaining that “Federal agents found a drug suspect hiding in the bathroom of the Central City house that locals said was a neighborhood crack cocaine parlor.” Which isn’t funny at all. Arresting a crack dealer while he’s taking a shit would be a scream, like Alexyss K. Tylor. But hiding from the cops in the can is merely sad, like Rich Little. Very, very sad. (Side note: I’m intrigued, however, to hear that crack dealers in New Orleans are doing well enough to upgrade from mere crack houses to the far-swankier crack parlors. Mazel tov, miscreants!)
sturtle [dot] com 