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THINGS THAT ARE WRONG
or, CAN WE TALK ABOUT ME FOR A WHILE?

  • I am exhausted.

  • I slept funny last night and my leg still tingles.

  • My allergies are flaring up and there’s an uncomfortable lump in the back of my throat.

  • Tonight I hugged a lady, and I realized too late that she was wearing perfume, and I inhaled a huge whiff of the stuff, and little particles of it lodged in my tonsils (yes, I still have tonsils), which is only adding to the whole allergy/lump in my throat feeling (see above).

  • I have missed two great performances this weekend because I’ve been too tired/lazy/stressed out to get my act together, and now I feel like a heel.

  • My vocabulary is so uninspired that I am using 1930s-era expressions like “feel like a heel”.

  • I failed to get my mother a birthday present (though I did call her, which slightly diminishes my heel-ness).

  • I am trying to take some vacation time, but I am overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do in the next few days.

  • If I don’t finish said work, I will disappoint myself and others.

  • Among the work I have to complete is the script for our annual Christmas show.

  • Although I have ridiculed the promos for NBC’s Bionic Woman series, it’s not as awful as I’d hoped; in fact it is vaguely lesbotronic, which is interesting.

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