IF YOU GO AWAY
A brief duet with my eldest dog, Gaston
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GASTON: (Following ME to the front door) If you go away on this summer day, then you might as well take the sun away!
ME: (Crouching to stroke GASTON’s graying head) Aw! Poor baby! I’ll be back in just a bit. You be a good boy–
GASTON: All the birds that fly in the summer sky–
ME: Well technically it’s still spring. Not that you’d notice in that bigass fur coat of yours, but whatever.
GASTON: When our love was new and our hearts were high, when the day was young and the night was long–
ME: Um, I don’t know exactly what you’re implying, but do you mind keeping your voice down?
GASTON: And the moon stood still for the night bird’s song.
ME: (Standing to unlock the door) Sweetheart, you know how I feel about birds.
GASTON: If you go away, if you go away, if you go away…. (Sobs)
ME: (Crouching again) Oh, don’t cry, Gaston. I’ll be right–
GASTON: (Squirming from my grasp and running excitedly up and down the hall) But if you stay, I’ll make you a day like no day has been, or will be again!
ME: Atta boy! That’s a good boy! Who’s a good boy?!
GASTON: We’ll sail the sun, we’ll ride on the rain, We’ll talk to the trees and worship the wind.
ME: Okaaay, easy does it, kiddo….
GASTON: Then if you go, I’ll understand. Leave me just enough love to fill up my hand. If you go away, if you go away, if you go away….
ME: You’re starting to freak me out, Gaston. Just a little.
GASTON: If you go away, as I know you will, you must tell the world to stop turning till you return again–if you ever do–for what good is love without loving you?
ME: Has Jonno been letting you watch AMC while I’m at work? ‘Cause you’re sounding a lot like Glenn Close right now, and with your digestive problems–
GASTON: Can I tell you now, as you turn to go? I’ll be dying slowly till the next hello…. If you go away, if you go away, if you go away….
ME: Wow. Bravo. I think living in a house with a couple of drama queens has really rubbed off on you, Miss Bernhardt–
GASTON: (Again with the excitement and the galloping and subsequent wheezing) But if you stay, I’ll make you a night like no night has been, or will be again!
ME: Does that mean you’ll quit farting in bed?
GASTON: I’ll sail on your smile, I’ll ride on your touch, I’ll talk to your eyes that I love so much.
ME: Well, thanks. What a nice thing to say! I’d been thinking about Lasik so I could lose the glasses, but then all that Kathy Griffin conflamma went down–
GASTON: But if you go, I won’t cry, though the good is gone from the word “goodbye”! If you go away, if you go away, if you go away….
ME: Gaston, I’m just running to the corner store for more dog food. I’ll be back in five–
GASTON: If you go away, as I know you must–
ME: Dude, did you hear what I just said?
GASTON: There’ll be nothing left in the world to trust. Just an empty room, full of empty space, like the empty look I see on your face–
ME: Are you saying you aren’t going to hop right up on the sofa and shed your heart out as soon as I’m out the door?
GASTON: Laisse-moi devenir l’ombre de ton ombre–
ME: Wait…what?
GASTON: L’ombre de ta main–
ME: So all those times I’ve spoken to you in French to keep my vocab fresh–you’ve understood?
GASTON: L’ombre de ton chien
ME: Um, you are my dog.
GASTON: If you go away, if you go away, if you go away….
ME: Oh my god…. You can talk!
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