I have never, ever been skinny.
I have tried. I’ve counted calories since seventh grade. (So far today, I’m at 920.) Thanks to rigorous gym routines and substantial doses of Creatine, I have become less chunky at times, and for a couple of years, I was even lean-ish. But never skinny.
I’ve toyed with saying to hell with it and really trying to pack on pounds. We tend to style ourselves after others we find attractive, and since I’ve always preferred guys with meat on their bones, why not join the crowd?
Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to break into beefyland. Even after Jonno and I got hitched and I started packing on the marriage pounds, I hit a plateau where my metabolism and my calorie consumption hung in balance. The photo above was taken near my top-end. (I have a gut there, you just can’t see it.) Since then, I’ve hovered 10 or 15 pounds north of my ideal weight, and that’s the way it’s likely to remain. BFD.
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There are lots of guys built like me, so I don’t think I’m especially weird (in this respect, anyway). But the gay world and gay media tend to push folks like me toward extremes — particularly, toward one of the three ideal gay body types: the twink, the muscleboy, and the bear.
Attaining a twink body is impossible for most. If I were to try, I’d end up like those frustrated, emotionally ravaged women on Super Skinny Me, or possibly at the bottom of the Mississippi. Going muscly is just as maddening, demanding severe exercise regimes and constant monitoring of food intake (way more than just counting calories). The bear body, on the other hand, is a bit more “natural”, and something that many guys grow into. But some get impatient waiting for that to happen. Which leads me to the whole point of this post: the world of gainers and feeders.
Gainers (i.e. guys who want to gain weight) and feeders (i.e. the guys helping them bulk up) may look like they’re a part of bear culture — and in terms of end results, maybe they are — but to my mind, they slightly different breed. Most of the bears and bear admirers that I know simply like big guys, but what gainers and feeders really fetishize is food. So, instead of using sex to act out roles of domination and submission, gainers and feeders use cheeseburgers, pastrami sandwiches, and beer.
That’s not really my scene, but that’s mostly because I don’t associate food with sex. I don’t find food particularly erotic (sensual, but not erotic), and I’ve never enjoyed getting busy after a meal. Even that refrigerator scene from 9 1/2 Weeks doesn’t do anything for me — apart from the hotness that is Mickey Rourke pre-silicone.
But there are plenty of others who enjoy it, and for them, Frederic Moffet put together the short film Hard Fat (mostly SFW). I hadn’t seen it for several years, but I stumbled across it just a couple of days ago, and it’s still worth a look:
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sturtle [dot] com 
i love that picture….seemingly, the advent of the biggest loser and the curious interest as travesty in exploring hoarders — so it goes, as even any of this may pass as a learning debacle but it’s awash in the odd proclivities of finger-pointing as visiting a zoo or carnivalesque mishap. i love that picture.
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I feel like I often languish in an “average” place when gays want those aforementioned extremes: really skinny twinks, big burly bears or totally ‘roided out muscle queens. And it’s this weird mindset I fall into where I feel like I should just make the effort to be buff since I am on the skinnier side of beefy or whatever the hell. And then I just stop caring and eat a bunch of ginger snaps.
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That pic! *sigh*
I have always admired you and your body whatever the weight fluctuation- we all are our own worst critic I suppose. As for the vid? Fascinating. Years ago I used to totally lust after that guy – and often looked at the “Bellybuilders” site – but had to keep it a secret from the body Nazis I ran with- the funny thing is that I have encountered the same sort of behavior with guys who wouldn’t dare talk to me in public yet admit to wanting to jump my bones on line or whatever. It is kinda fascinating that the guys that found me acceptable way back when when I weighed in at 175# are horrified to see me now at 240#- and vice versa- guys that find me attractive at this weight don’t even want to think of me any smaller. I also find it pretty funny that most us don’t fit into that holy triad of desirable gay looks- and the gays that do, are very critical of those who don’t- I had a “Glamour bear” tell me recently- in a very kind way- that I wasn’t hairy enough, chunky enough or young enough to “make it” on the bear hook up sites and not muscular enough to be on Bigmuscle.com. While I somewhat agree with his assessment, I somehow manage to occasionally get hit on, even if it’s just hearing the dreaded word “Woof” uttered in passing. Go figure.
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That photo of you two is adorable.
That’s all I wanted to say.
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I never understood any of it. I don’t get the specificity of it all.
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Such a Gorgeous Tease. Like It. ….S.
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