Finally finally finally this global obsession with all things 80s may be over. Which is great because as much as I love Alison Moyet (May She Live Forever), I could really do without one more Millennial metaphorically digging through my high school closet and shouting, “Omigod, what were they thinking? I must wear it immediately!” They’ve already adopted leggings and Hammer pants*, so it is only a matter of time before Girbaud jeans make a full-on comeback, in which case, may goddess have mercy on our souls.
I say that the end is nigh because I have heard that Jennifer Saunders is writing a musical about the Spice Girls. And if you throw in an internet boom, a lot of heroin, and a housing bubble, that’s pretty much all you need for a time capsule explanation of the 1990s that even aliens from the galaxy of Gaahhrglepleghghx could understand and say, “Oh. Crushed velvet. I get it.”
These are exciting times we (re)live in.
* I can say with all honesty that I never, ever, ever wore Hammer pants.
sturtle [dot] com 
I wonder if diapers count. You know. When you were a baby.
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It just occurred to me that you might think I was referring to Vitter. I wasn’t. But I am gonna start calling his diapers ‘Hammer pants’ from now on, I think.
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In which case, I would ask the MC to change the title of his album to, PLEASE HAMMER, HURT HIM. REPEATEDLY.
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“I can say with all honesty that I never, ever, ever wore Hammer pants.”
I notice you’re suspiciously quiet on the leggings.
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I have been seeing signs of a 90s revival all over the fucking place. There’s even a Doc Martens store in the Haight now. Must I be forced to murder everyone in their early 20s to stop this from happening??
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@spazmodeas — That is because I wore leggings like they were going out of style. Which, by coincidence, they were. Rapidly.
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