So Katy Perry’s video for “Firework” is out. I have some problems with this.
- For starters: “Firework”? Unless we’re talking about a gutter punk working a set of flaming hula-hoops at Burning Man, I have no idea what “firework” is. Like “pants” or “grits”, “firework” is always plural. Why didn’t she just call the song “Scissor”? It would’ve made about as much sense, and as an added bonus, it would’ve fueled some of her admirers’ sexual fantasies.
- Obviously, the “firework” thing sets Perry up for some lyric FAILs. In particular, the chorus of “you’re a firework” sounds weird and grammatically incorrect and more than a little depressing. Like, “You’re a bottle rocket! A measly bottle rocket!” The sad trombone goes wah-wah.
- As if the grammar weren’t bad enough, the video’s director decided to go totes literal by setting people on fire. I know it’s done with CGI, but I can’t stop thinking about Katy Perry in a courtroom, getting sued by a pregnant lady covered in second-degree burns. That said, the image of Katy Perry shooting orgasmic fireworks from her tits like a pop-tart St. Theresa is kind of funny.
- Despite those complaints, I have to admit: girlfriend looks amazing. Her hair and makeup team maybe deserve a Nobel prize, because she looks far less “Hello Kitty Hooker” than usual. Why, she’s practically MILFy.
- I don’t know when this clip was filmed, but coincidence or not, it sends out a nice message in the wake of all these LGBT teen suicides. Big props for that.
- Too bad the song is terrible: mix two parts gay anthem, one part Coldplay knockoff, and top with a generous serving of lilting sex-yodel. (Britney has the “baby, do me” sex growl, Perry lilts like a milkmaid calling across the valley for her lumberjack hubby to come home NOW. It’s her thing.) Seriously, click play and shut your eyes. See? Um, hear?
sturtle [dot] com 
I can’t bring myself to watch this, but I will say that KP annoys me hell out of me. (And yes, missing s’s drive me nuts, too. For example, Levi Johnston’s sister’s name is…Mercede. Say that without twitching for an “s.”)
I was watching an interview with KP, and she was going on and on about her “gift” and how grateful she was to be able to share it with others.
“California Girls,” my friend, is something you should’ve kept to yourself.
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Um…”I will say that KP annoys THE hell out of me.”
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Know what?
I just had one of the crappiest days in months, filled with major disappointments with people. I watched that video cuz you were dissing it. And it made me feel a little bit better and made me smile. And I sort of loathe KP in general, so… not really a total fail for her.
Just saying…
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@ Drew: Well, I did say she looked pretty, right? And those flaming tits are borderline hilarious. So yes, it is not without its charm.
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Funny b/c KP often reminds me of you. You wrote a critiqueRantExpose on her way back that stuck with me even years later. I recall you revealing her Christian music past and comparing her to Markita. Every now and again when KP annoys me I silently cite your blog in my head.
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I feel that I have to point out that the song is targeted to the 14-17 year old set, if that makes any difference. I mean, magic tricks. That says 13, even.
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Katy Perry is such a fountain of generic, pop/rock banality that I almost have to admire her. I mean, there is something almost Stepfordian about her ability to churn out songs that instantly sound like something we’ve all heard 100,000 times before.
And I am equally impressed with her not looking like the missing member of Jem & The Holograms here as well. That is some fine make-undering.
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