TUESDAYS ARE WHERE YOU FILL IN THE BLANKS
GR: Big Bertha was so fat–
AUDIENCE: How fat was she?
GR: Big Bertha was so fat that she ________ed a _____________.
Nipsey, what say you?
Author: Richard
THINGS TO LOVE ABOUT NEW ORLEANS
#297: This video from WDSU, which is a follow-up to the drag queen/burglar item I posted last Thursday. In many places, this report would devolve into a string of smirks, winks, and gay jokes, but in New Orleans? Nothing but (ahem) straight faces debating the merits of high-end wigs. You go on with your stoic self, Norman Robinson.
Cracker (I’m a)
En route to the second of four fundraisers I’m putting together in the space of two weeks. (So many, many funds.) Normally I’d have worn my seersucker, but I decided to go gay instead. Er, gayer.
They grow up so quickly, don’t they?
The little ones’ new favorite perch. Although this was taken a couple of days ago, and I haven’t seen ’em since. Perhaps they have flown the proverbial coop.
FYI: despite my recent ornithophilia, I am not yet Tony Soprano. (See above for proof.)
TODAY’S MOOD IS: RETRO GUITAR ENERGY HELLO
http://www.seeqpod.net/cache/seeqpodEmbed.swf
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is one of those days. Thanks for asking.
Fruit stamps courtesy of the USPS. King cake babies courtesy of Gambino’s. Ally Sheedy’s book of terrifying blank verse courtesy of Gay Gay Brad.
(And yes, that’s Ms. Somers peeking jealously from Ally’s shadow. Note how her eye follows you eerily about the room.)
IN THE NEWS TODAY
1. Another of New Orleans’ cross-dressing thugs visited Burger King for an early morning order of fries and a supersize bag of Benjamins. But this guy hit new lows: he got into the store by crawling through the drive-up window. If you’re gonna knock over a BK in drag, you should at least have the balls to walk through the front door–not to mention, put on a little ladyface:
Employees said they were not free to comment on the incident, referring any questions to the store’s owner.
But one employee, who saw the security camera footage, said that since the suspect made the effort to dress the part of a woman, he should not have halfhearted it.
“He should’ve gone to the spa first,” the employee said.
In the guy’s defense, though, it was Mother’s Day, so maybe he needed the cash to take his mom to the spa after brunch.
2. I’ve loved Cintra Wilson since she first appeared on MTV’s Liquid Television as the creator of Winter Steele. These days, she’s less about sock puppets and more about socks in general, as one of the New York Times‘ two “Critical Shoppers”. In today’s Style Section, la Wilson visits the Lacroix boutique and comes up with one of the most fabulously bizarre paragraphs I’ve read in recent weeks:
One particular gown stood out: a sleeveless white silk sheath with an elaborate print ($3,400) that said, “I am Basquiat in hell, forced to endure a Sisyphean nursery school where I trace my hand and paint multilegged monster turkeys and get an F, forever. Then these discarded paintings end up on earth as formal wear for rich women.”
3. Also in the Times: residents of Chicago can eat foie gras again! Legally!
4. Gaming site SteamPowered.com just released the results of its recent online computing survey, and although gamers usually fall into the “early adopter” category, over 80% of SteamPowered’s visitors are still using Windows XP, compared to the 14.95% using Vista. Even more shocking: according to Rock, Paper, Shotgun, the Vista figures have shrunk since November, when they were at 16.91%. Which only confirms what John Hodgman and I already knew.
5. Just noted on the WDSU severe weather report: there’s a town on the north shore of Lake Pontchartrain called Uneedus:
Petition: Keep the National Guard in New Orleans
I know, I know: another petition. It seems like I’ve been posting an undue amount of dry, political stuff lately, but to be honest, this is pretty freaking important. For the past few years, the National Guard has helped maintain a semblance of order on the streets of New Orleans. No, it ain’t Disney World (thank goddess), but without the extra manpower, the situation could’ve been far worse.
Unfortunately, the National Guard doesn’t serve for free, and Jindal wants to pull out the troops next month. Keep in mind, he’s doing this at exactly the same time that lawmakers are (a) debating what to do with a projected surplus in the state budget and (b) planning to eliminate the state income tax.
I mean, no, really, that’s fine, Bobby: New Orleans is only the state’s goddamn economic engine, so what does it matter if you wreck it? As Katrina showed everyone, the state can hobble along without us just great.
Fucktard.
 |
|
| The National Guard
is scheduled to leave NOLA in June! Take 5 to |
|
| Crime rates across the city have skyrocketed since Hurricane Katrina. Murder rates have spiked, and assaults and burglaries are up. Meanwhile, the police shortage makes NOPD patrols in the storm-affected areas, especially in the Lower Ninth Ward and eastern New Orleans, nearly non-existent. It also pushes response times to 911 calls to an hour or more. Citizens for 1 Greater New Orleans is supporting |
|
|
|
| To date, they have only received 2300 signatures with a deadline to acquire 10,000 by June 2008. It is imperative that you let your voice be heard! Take 5 Minutes To:
Thank you for your attention to this urgent matter. |
|
PHOTOS FROM HOME
I hate myself for loving sandals.
The pornpile has recently been separated: Foxbase Hetero to the left, Camp Homo to the right.
Girlfriend did the nasty after all–and here’s the proof.
Hmmm. I mentioned the fundraiser we’re organizing for our pal Lisa, but I failed to mention another important event–the upcoming benefit for our theatre company:
Jack Long will be playing Wendy O. Williams in a nude bodysuit. If that doesn’t get you there…well, I guess you’re just dead inside.
sturtle [dot] com 