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Because Jonno has been asking so often why, exactly, I love him, I’ve composed the following tune entitled I Love My Fiend. Well, perhaps “tune” is a little overstated. But if you sing it to “Viens, Malika” from Delibes’ Lakme–you know, the ultimate lesbian aria–at least it sounds kinda funny….




Jonno is my fiend.

He is rarely mean–

Except on those extremely rare occasions when he’s needing much more sleep.

He bakes for me,

Tiny cakes for me

(Though I wish he would someday maybe take the time to mop the floor).

He is so cute.

I like his snoot,

And his little foot.

Leather boot!

He’s a hoot!

O! fie-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-nd!

Fie-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-nd!

It is so true that he

Loves me,

Shoves me,

Drugs me,

Snubs me….

Sooooooo,

I’m getting sick.

Tummy like a brick.

Might have som-a-thing to do with all the saccharine that I’ve just spewn.

It’s true–

I’m through….


Blech. Believe me now fiend? };>)

And as for the rest of you: how does that make you feel?

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