You know how sometimes on game shows like “The Newlywed Game” (get-to-know-you sort of shows) people are often asked, “If you were an animal, what sort of animal would you be?” Well, normally I’m totally confused by such questions. I mean, I’m pretty easygoing, which maybe you could call “monkey-like” (and I am a monkey in Chinese astrology), but I can also be really stubborn, much like the proverbial mule. How do you choose?
If I were asked that question right now, though, I’d know: I would be a baby harp seal.
That’s how I feel as I’m walking down the street and the scorching July sun is beating down on me like a starving Inuit. Really. It’s painful. That heat’s just unChristian.
Which reminds me of a very short story involving my friend Zod….
A couple of years back, Zod was having a late night/early morning breakfast at Shoney’s when a fousome of churchgoing women slid into the next booth. About five minutes into their conversation, Zoddie overheard one of them say, “…so I told her that I was doing the work of the Lord, and if that bitch didn’t like it, well FUCK her.”
(It was the “Christian” part that triggered it.)
Hee hee. I miss you Zoddie.
[Ed. note: Zoddie now informs me that it was, in fact, the infamous Bianca del Rio who overheard the conversation, and that she was in the waiting room at Charity Hospital, not at Shoney’s. Frankly, it’s beginning to sound a lot like an urban myth, but, well, you know, it’s still funny.]
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