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As a child, I thought the worst possible career anyone could have was that of garbageman.

Then I grew older and I attended a liberal arts college, where it became apparent that garbagemen are doing really honest work, and that the worst possible career anyone could have is actually that of accountant.

But now I know several accountants–in fact, my fraternity big brother turned out to be a very good one–and I kinda like them. So I was left without a career to demonize.

Until today.

Today I decided that the worst possible career anyone can have is that of Halloween costume model. Don’t believe me? Next time you go to Wal-Mart or the seasonal Halloween superstore, take a good look at that Rocky and Bullwinkle Natasha dress and matching wig. Look closely at the woman modeling the costume on front of the $40 package. Look deep into her eyes. See what I mean?

I’ll bet if you held it to your ear, you could almost hear her whining in a thick, fresh-off-the-plane-from-Tennessee accent: “I thought this was supposed to be an A&F ad, y’all. They said I’d be working with the Brewer twins. Isn’t that Bryce Webber guy supposed to be taking the pictures? Hell, y’all–now I ain’t never gonna be famous like mama promised….”