Good News: Amazon finally shipped out my order for The Secret History–not that Donna Tartt bit of pop-novel trash, but some real smut: Procopius’ scandalous, Jacqueline Susann-esque recounting of the reign of Justinian I and his courtesan-turned-queen Theodora.

Bad News: There appear to be no plans to release Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains on video or DVD anytime soon.

Good News: The world is full of stupid people who have been put here for our amusement.

Bad News: It will take a very, very long time for all of them to die out.

Good News: Porn Addiction is at Epidemic Proportions!

Bad News: Nobody told me about Pornography Awareness Week. I miss out on all the fun stuff…

Good News (or possibly Bad): Yes, I’ve finally broken down and become a cellphonophile

Bad News (definitely Bad): I mistakenly puchased a single-band phone–which isn’t so bad when I’m tooling around New Orleans, but on those inevitable trips back to Mississippi for the holidays… I mean, I could be squealing like a pig and no one could hear me send.

Oy, does that bring back memories. Thanks, John, for reminding me what it’s like to stumble through a club at 4am feeling like the world’s largest boneless chicken…

…Okay…I’m surrounded again…

Must..resist..urge…to…lobotomize…all…artists…

Looking for a way to kill time ’till the election’s finally over? This is much more diverting than Highlights magazine.

Wow. It looks like quite a few folks are getting ready to ditch their weblogs–mostly because they say they don’t have the time or energy to maintain them…. That’s kinda sad.

Okay, yes, there is an unwritten mandate that “true” webloggers have to post something at least every couple of days…but, um, what’s gonna happen if you don’t? So you’re busy, so you go a couple of weeks without posting. That’s life. I mean, Jason and Meg and Halcyon aren’t going to come screeching to your house, batter down your door, confiscate your Playstation and your 17 cats, and cart you off to Blogger Penitentiary (although, that’s kind of a funny image). We’re quasi-intelligent folks here, and we know you have a life. We can wait. In fact, I’d guess that most of us would rather hold out a couple of weeks for you to share something insightful or funny or just plain honest than slog through pages and pages of insipid, sentence-long posts pointing to other people’s content.

Bottom line: I’m bummed that these voices I’ve grown fond of hearing, these people I’ve never met but whom I’ve grown to adore, are gonna be signing off. I’m sure they’ll probably still keep their sites up and running, but I dunno…. What can I say? I like the personal stuff.

Can I offer just a bit of unsolicited advice? Remove the time/date stamp from your weblog. Spend less time reading angsty teen sites maintained by kids with nothing better to do than sit around and post all day. Kick back and have a drink. And when you feel the need to share something, all the better.

Oh, happy day! I’d almost forgotten: US presidents elected in “0” years (e.g. 1940, 1960, 2000) never serve their full term! In some cases–like Reagan–that just means they go into surgery for a couple of hours and temporarily give the VP the keys to the White House. In other cases…well, we all know about Rose Kennedy’s all-black wardrobe, don’t we? …Not that I’d wish any ill will on anyone, mind you, but despite his Regan-era ethics, I think I’d probably feel more comfortable with Cheney in the Ovum Office than little Georgie-Porgie.

Oh, and in case any of you were wondering, the video shoot for The Scooby Witch Project went really well this weekend–largely thanks to Jason’s impeccable portrayal of Velma/Heather. The snot speech? Spectacular… Frankly, I think the video segments will be the highlight of the show. Hope a couple of you can make it…

I can hear Meg and Leonardo screaming for thier publicists now…

Three Reasons to Celebrate

1. The election–as stomach-churningly indecisive as it’s been–is completely out of my hands. And yours, too–unless you’re a Florida state election official…in which case, we should talk…

2. I finally (re)discovered the joys of shaving with an electric razor. I tried an electric razor once when I was about 17, and it was such an awful experience, I never looked back. But last night at the photo shoot for Scooby/Gilligan, when I found myself miles (well, blocks) away from the comfort of my own Atra, electric was the only option–and such a pleasant surprise. I know, it’s not quite as butch as lathering up and scraping off, but then again, who’s ever accused me of being butch?

3. Um, hello? It’s Friday…. Sheesh….

Hooray! One of my favorite Texas Chainsaw 90210/Scooby Witch Project/Gilligan’s Island Survivor cast members started his own little weblog, thus giving me something else to read while I’m trying to take my mind off this goddamn nerve-wracking election….

For goddess’ sake, please get out and vote. Unless you’re planning to vote for Bush–you guys can sleep in all day.