So, I’m back. From outer space. Well, insofar as Mississippi counts as outer space. (It has its moments, believe me.)
Alas, nothing terribly exciting to report. Jonno attended his first-ever Christmas dinner with my family. He did remarkably well, considering that Jonno was raised Catholic, my family is hardcore Southern Baptist (though they’re thorougly accepting of us), and, as fate would have it, he’d just begun reading Sam Harris’ scathing indictment of religion, The End of Faith. Luckily, he was outside having a smoke when dad rounded everybody up, instructed us to hold hands, and said grace for nearly five minutes. Seriously, it was, like, almost Pentacostal.
But while I got plenty of face-time with dad and my brothers, unfortunately I didn’t get to see my biological mother and my sister. I’d planned to drive over and see them in Columbus, but stuff got in the way–notably my job, which doesn’t seem to let up, even when our offices are closed…. I did, however, have lunch with my adoptive mother and her sister and a first cousin I haven’t seen in 25 years. And lemme just say, I’m glad I didn’t have the chance to inherit their genes: the men in that family have a tendency to go all Manson-y after 30.
That’s not to say I have no news. I do, indeed:
1. For starters, the Catholic church looks like it’s going to put the kibosh on Limbo. As a heathen Protestant, that doesn’t mean much to me, of course, but it does make it perfectly clear that Pope Whathisname and all the members of his little Red Hat Club can, in fact, change doctrine if they damn well please. When they’re going to come to their senses and allow priests to marry and such, however, is another matter altogether….
2. There was an article on CNN.com about disaster tourism–which had nothing whatsoever to do with the coming bus tours of New Orleans’ levee breaches–but there was a good quote in it nonetheless. In defending his company’s mining practices in Appalachia–practices which many locals dislike because they’re destructive to the environment and negatively impact the mountainous skyline–a spokesman said, “To imply that we’re flattening Appalachia is so untrue…. We’re creating level land for Appalachia.” I’m so stealing that line for my next show: To the Devil, a Coal Miner’s Daughter, starring the cast of Snuffy Smith.
3. Sitting in front of the TV last night, lamenting the fact that Project Runway is on hiatus ’till next week (though Diana’s blog is kinda fun), we saw a commercial for this DVD, which we thought was surely a joke. Alas, a joke it ain’t. Apparently John Walsh has gone off the deep end. If anyone has clips, send ’em my way–I’ve got a party coming up, and it looks like the perfect background eyecandy.
4. Speaking of Pentecostals, apparently Bernice and her bob are surefire signs that Judgement Day is just around the corner. Better get your shopping done now, before it’s too late!
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