Ten People I’d Rather Have As Mayor Right Now
1. Julia Reed: Because New Orleans is run by horsey Uptown women anyway, so let’s just be honest about it, okay?
2. Jesse “The Body” Ventura: Because I like the idea of a big, bald, ballsy mayor, but I’d rather have one who’s learned not to mouth off in public.
3. Donatella Versace: Because not only is she crazy enough to take the job, but she’s also got the ducats to help rebuild and the design eye to do so tastefully. (And yes, I realize that Victoria Gotti also fits this particular bill, but her McMansions would swallow our narrow city streets, and her tragic, trashy brats would ruin the reasonably good crime stats we’re currently enjoying.)
4. RuPaul: Because Christian intellectuals (assuming such creatures truly exist) are arguing that Katrina was god’s way of exacting revenge on sinners, which means that homos are clearly the Chosen People since our neighborhoods came out of the storm okay. And really: if the bitch can work a corset and 6-inch heels and one of those fancy lacefront wigs all at the same time, then surely she can lead the Chosen People against Peggy Wilson.
5. That Cute Guy Who Waited on Me the Other Night at that Mexican Place: Because chocolate is fine, but right now, I could really go for some chile relleno. You know what I’m sayin’, yo.
6. The Artist Formerly and Once Again Known as Prince: Because he’d give us a chocolate erotic city.
7. Anyone Who Was Standing Behind Nagin During Monday’s Speech (except maybe Larry Bagneris): Because they deserve some kind of reward for not pummeling the man to death while the cameras were rolling.
8. Joyce DeWitt: Because she’s gotta need the work, you know?
9. Our Youngest Dog, Tania: Because (a) she’s a mongrel and so totally good at working the whole beautiful mosaic thing; (b) she’s a uniter, not a divider, unless, of course, there’s a pig ear involved; (c) she’s named after Patty Hearst‘s SLArmy alter-ego, so she’s, like, ipso facto fierce, right?
10. Basically, Anyone With a Pulse. Perhaps you?
April can’t come soon enough.
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