Having endured two nights of insomnia and now truly unable to think straight (ahem), today I’m enlisting the aid of a guest poster: a wacky, lovable Close Personal Friend whose caffiene addiction is almost as gnarly as my own (note the internal dialogues). He wrote this the other day in response to my Big Easy/Big Apple bits, and I’d been meaning to post it anyway, so, well, here ’tis.
Meanwhile, I’m gonna try to catch some disco winks in advance of tonight’s Radical Faerie/St. Brigid Ball. See you there–and save a chicken dance for me….
Having read your NY vs. NO sturtles, I wanna throw in my ten cents:
1. I’d like more people coming to New Orleans to remake themselves into something beautiful and new. These people often need artwork from people like me.
2. If the weather can’t be replaced with something breezy and maritime, then I’d like marijuana to be available MUCH more reliably than it currently is, or has been.
3. More rush! Stop this slow shit! No, life is NOT to be taken easily! It’s a serious, savage business, and it is to be gotten on with
before it turns on us and tears us to pieces! Faster, faster, faster! Vite! Vite! Let Hell sort out the slow!4. More long convoluted conversations between people in cafes and bars, on topics dealing with art, politics, philosophy, familial relationships, psychology, and…um…smart people stuff. I want the city Woody-Allenized by 40%. I’m Wallace Shawn, and I want every night to be a dinner with Andre!
5 Enough with the celebration of Ignatius Reilly! Confederacy of Dunces is colorful and amusing for maybe the first four chapters.
Then the principal characters’ behavior becomes redundant and aggravating! I’m sick of that book and the misplaced affection New Orleans has for it!
“Well, yes, but that’s rather the point. They’re dunces, you see. There’s a bunch of them. In one city. A confederacy, the author calls it.”
“SHUT UP!!!”
“But the author was a gay guy.”
“He was? I…. Oh! Um…alright. Never mind….”
6. More delis! Run by Jewish people! And not those flyin’-under-the-radar southern Jewish people! I want Jewitty-Jew-Jew-Jewish, yarmulke-sportin’, frequent-interrogative-using, exasperatedly-appealing-to-a-sort-of-universal-common-sense Jewish people of a Judaical nature! You know–the funny kind.
7. More Chinese food!
8. Prettier parks! Like the kind designed by Frederick Law Olmsted!
“But he’s dead. He belonged to an era that shall never come again. And those parks were created to change and develop subtly over long spans of years. They’re works in perpetual progress. You can’t just plant one and be done with it!”
“But I…um…. SHUT UP!!!”
9. Pick up the goddamn trash.
10. Stop it with the jazz, already. No one listens to it anymore. Have the entire city based on power pop and arena rock.
sturtle [dot] com 