OPEN TABS IN MY BROWSER
OR, THINGS I AM KINDASORTA LOOKING AT
1. The trailer from Joan Crawford’s Berserk (a movie now being parodied by our friends in Chicago, Hell in a Handbag):
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2. This craftsy watermelon brain–which I’d be way more likely to eat than any garden-variety watermelon plucked from the back of some guy’s truck:
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3. Brick’s Hanky Code for Witches, including:
Hanky: Fishnet
Type: Drag Witch
Drug of Choice: amyl nitrate, whippets, poppers
Music of Choice: Scissor Sisters. Obital’s “Halcyon” or anything with a wailing black songstress set to a disco beat
Hanky: Black Cloth with Smiley Face
Type: Perky/Raver witch
Drug of Choice: X, Shrooms ‘n Acid
Music of Choice: The Orb, German techno and post 1990 Cure
Which of my inner-witches will win out: the Romanti-Stregherian or the Silicon Valley Techno Nerd? I suppose I should roll a d20 to decide…
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4. Speaking of d20s: ever wondered what it’d sound like if today’s politicos played D&D?
PALIN: Hi folks! Sorry I’m late! I brought caribou burgers.
HILARY: Who the HELL is this?
MCCAIN: It’s cool, she’s with me.
HILARY: No! No, it’s not cool! Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!
MCCAIN: Now, that is patently untrue.
BIDEN: He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.
MCCAIN: DUDE. SHUT UP.
GM: You guys, seriously, if you don’t knock it off with the bickering I’m going to start docking XP.
MCCAIN: You know what? Fuck it. I’m suspending the campaign.
GM: You can’t do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn’t suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I’m not going to suspend it now.
KUCINICH: YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP
MCCAIN: Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don’t even count.
KUCINICH: YOU GUYS ARE DICKS
BIDEN: Where are the Cheetos?
RON PAUL: Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?
GM: You find Mitt’s lifeless, drained corpse has been stuffed in the broom closet.
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5. Also on the nerd/annoyance front: do-nothing Asshat-At-Large Ed Blakely may soon step down as “recovery director” for New Orleans. You know, since his work here is done and everything.
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6. This vaguely illuminating piece about the behind-the-scenes maneuvering that led to Palin being selected as GOP veep candy. It appears for realz in this Sunday’s New York Times; here’s an interesting excerpt:
The following night, after McCain’s speech brought the convention to a close, one of the campaign’s senior advisers stayed up late at the Hilton bar savoring the triumphant narrative arc. I asked him a rather basic question: “Leaving aside her actual experience, do you know how informed Governor Palin is about the issues of the day?”
The senior adviser thought for a moment. Then he looked up from his beer. “No,” he said quietly. “I don’t know.”
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7. Even creepier: this hilarious/ominous fantasy scenario cooked up by Jesus’ General:
Sen. McCain was cut short when his office door swung rapidly open, hitting the wall with a crash and Sarah Palin strode angrily into the room….
“I’ve been listening,” she began, “I’ve heard every word.”
She continued:
Take your pen back to Dole and McConnell. They are irrelevant, now. The Party is irrelevant. John McClain is irrelevant. This campaign is about my return in 2012, when I redeem the Party and the nation and usher in an era of Biblically-based free-market-oriented governance.
But the Party must die first. It must be purged of those who gave us that ancient pile of festering anger you came to depose. It must also be cleansed of the Giulianis and Romneys and others who worship at the false alters of idolatry.
That is what this election is about. That is what this election will be, the Republican Party’s apocalypse. I will return after
the cleansing and preside over a rapture of the righteous, raising up the most worthy to lead a new Republican Party into victory.Will you be among those I rapture, General?
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8. And as if all that weren’t enough to think about, the creationists are back. They’ve lost the battle of the brain, but they’re still aiming to win the war over the soul. Argh, I say.
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