Some of you may know I used to write for Fleshbot. Some of you may also know that I was “downsized” a few weeks back.
That’s totally fine, because (a) Fleshbot was only a part-time gig, and (b) it took up a lot of my time. I gained many a gray hair trying to do my heavy-duty day job, work with a theatre company, run consulting gigs, and post about naughtybits all in one measly 24-hour day. It’s never fun to get canned, I suppose, but given my current workload, the dismay was tempered by relief. Also: sleep.
The only thing I kinda miss about the job is the news. Yeah, it was a pain in the ass to sift through my secret stash of smutty RSS feeds every morning, but there were some gems amid the dreck. I haven’t opened that folder since the beginning of October, but for some reason, I did this morning. Here are three of my favorite finds so far:
* * * * *
1. Ricky Sinz’ Cock Will Survive, Punctuation In Critical Condition
So apparently, Ricky was all werkin and twerkin and crunkin and whatever else the kids get up to in the clubs these days when he felt a pain down there. Turns out an eager beaver fan with chops to match got down with Ricky’s dangly parts, which resulted in no small amount of retribution from Mr. Sinz. But while teabagging and teeth and tetanus may all be laughing matters, the issue of Mr. Sinz’ punctuation habits is very serious indeed. Note the excerpt:
so im performing on stage last night and some guy comes up and tips me a few times but judging by how messed up he was i knew he was gonna be trouble at some point in the night plus when i perform in gay clubs any man that comes in with a large group of obnoxious drunk women is bound for disaster its just the way it always works out when large groups of women come into gay bars where there are male strippers they usually block the stage from tipping patrons and try to flirt with the dancers and i hate to tell them we dont like it you kill our tips and want the world for free so get with the program but anyways [full post here]
Either he’s gone all Gertrude Stein on our asses, or someone needs to learn the value of an em-dash. (We assume he’s already familiar with the colon. Har!)
* * * * *
2. Thevoice666: Not The One I Hear In My Head
Everyone likes a little dirty talk, right? In the heat of the moment, we all love to hear “Harder!” or “Faster!” or “Ooh, yes, love this babydoll!” (True story on the last one. Yeesh.) Good chatter in bed can make even the gangliest grandpa into a hot steaming load of Hugh Jackman–or grandpa, depending on your tastes. However, as every good talker knows, it’s not just the words you say, but how you say them that counts. And as if to prove that point, here’s a little audio from Xtube user Thevoice666. He claims to be a phone sex operator in Seattle, and admittedly he’s got great vocabulary, but I keep waiting for him to say, “Cum in the next ten minutes, and get a free Ginsu Miracle Shammy as our gift to you!” [Note: G-rated video, NSFW soundtrack. Adjust accordingly.]
* * * * *
3. Reese Rideout: Crazy Person, Or Just Rabid For Rodents?
I’m not exactly a fan of gay-for-pay gyrator Mr. Rideout. Sure, his body is hot, and he’s cute enough, but mixed with all that pomade and sweat and testosterone is a thin sheen of desperation, which is only attractive in Dennis Cooper novels, and even then it’s heavily qualified. However, Reese’s latest video may force me to reconsider my opinions:
I mean, at least he has a sense of humor. That’s occasionally a sign of sanity, right? (Not in the case of Francois Sagat[NSFW], but you know, for most people.)
P.S. Is it mere coincidence that Reese posts this toothy video on the same day that Ricky Sinz falls prey to an organ grinder?