Justin Bond’s letter to his 16-year-old self


Hi Chip,

This is a letter from the future you. Your name is Justin now -don’t ask, but if you think of a better one feel free to jump on it. Maybe something like “Beverage”. Everyone likes a Beverage and you know how much you enjoy alliteration. Beverage Bond… well, it’s up to you. Just be glad you’re not some old fag named “Chip”!

I was thinking that since we’ve been given this to opportunity to communicate through time I should maybe give you some helpful tips:

First, do me a favor, stay out of the sun. You don’t like the sun anyway so just skip it. All those bitches that keep saying you’re so pale and that you look like a spook are going to end up looking like wrinkled brown paper bags and will probably have lots of chunks missing from their skin -I say fuck ’em. Stick to the shade or stay inside and listen to music, dance around naked and feel free to jack off as much as you like….

–full letter at Justin Bond is Living [probably via Andy, but I forget]

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