The real reason that beauty pageants mark the end of civilization


Many people say that beauty pageants are old-fashioned and/or sexist and/or degrading and/or a terrific bore. Many people see those transgressions as reason enough to shut down the American pageant circuit this very minute.

Those people are lazy.

If they dug a little deeper, they would understand that the real reason pageants are bad is because the contestants are liars, thieves, and murderers. As proof, cast your gaze and whatever the aural equivalent of “gaze” is on Miss Arkansas 1994’s performance of “And I Am Telling You, I’m Not Going”:

FRAUDS. That is not “And I Am Telling You”. That is the imposter fragrance of “And I Am Telling You”, who is filling in at a dinner party and trying to remember to stay in character, while the corpse of the real “And I Am Telling You” is being wrapped in a poly-blend area rug and hurled into the Mississippi River.

If Regis Philbin will not stand up for American musical theatre, I ask: WHO WILL?

[via Hit-or-Miss]

4 thoughts on “The real reason that beauty pageants mark the end of civilization

  1. George M

    I actually got the dry heaves, some drag queen needed to snatch (excuse the word) the mike out of her hand and show her how its done.


  2. and the highlight of “an evening with susannah van cartier” a stunning emotion filled rendition of the classic song from Dreamgirls “And I Am Telling You…”

    *rolls eyes*

    sorry, but there’s just some songs you really don’t need to touch unless you can bring it and bring it good

    this poor child couldn’t even lift it much less bring it

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