I don’t read McSweeney’s every day, but  when I do, I am happy to find pieces like this:

SPOILERS FROM THE ENDINGS OF FUTURE REMAKES OF THE 1970 FILM LOVE STORY.

BY DUSTIN KURTZ

In the seventh remake of Love Story, as in the original, Ali MacGraw dies of cancer.

The next five versions feature a cast made up wholly of dogs of varying breeds, boating and fucking and quipping, but then in the twelfth remake McGraw is back. Until, that is, she dies of cancer.

The next dozen or so iterations featured neither MacGraw or her original costar Ryan O’Neal, but in ten of them it is the male lead who succumbs to leukemia.

The following version is a shot by shot remake of the original, with the exception of a smear of sputum on the lens of the camera shaped like a drowning ape or, in scenes with lower lighting, a Moche amphora.

In the next version Ryan O’Neal is a hallucination, in the next he dies of cancer again.

[continued at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency]