Over the weekend came word that ten states — Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Michigan, South Carolina, Utah, Virginia, Wyoming, and dear, sweet, lovable Louisiana — have filed a joint brief in a California federal appeals court. The brief boldly declares those states’ opposition to gay marriage, and it’s presumably meant to add weight to California’s case that Proposition 8 is valid and legal. (Though last I heard, California wasn’t going to appeal Judge Vaughn Walker’s ruling, so maybe the point’s moot.)

ANYWAY, as you might recall, the two biggest problems pro-Prop 8 lawyers had in court were (a) proving what marriage is “really about”, and (b) proving that heterosexuals are the only ones fit to take part in it. The defendants were all, like, “It’s about procreation!” And Judge Walker was, like, “So why do you let infertile couples get married?” And then they were all, like, “It’s about families!” And the judge was, like, “You haven’t answered my first question.”

The brief filed in federal court has the same sort of “we don’t know what we’re doing, but we’re doing it anyway” vibe. Case in point, this sentence taken straight (ahem) from the filing: “If public affirmation of anyone and everyone’s personal love and commitment is the single purpose of marriage, a limitless number of rights claims could be set up that evacuate the term marriage of any meaning.”

I hate to resort to name-calling, because that never moves the dialogue forward, but if any of you happen to be one of the ten attorneys general who signed off on that wackobizarre statement: you are an utter fuckup. I don’t know to even argue a case with you people, because your reality is so completely OUT THERE.  Obviously, you’re the ones who keep throwing money at M. Night Shamalamadingdong.

OMG, I just said that all glibly and shit, but it’s totally true. I HAVE  NEW CONSPIRACY THEORY. CALL ME, HOLLYWOOD! LET’S TALK.

[MercuryNews via Towleroad]