25 Novels That Should Have Been*

  1. Atlas Shrugged And Said, “Ayn Rand Who?”
  2. Brideshead Visited Once, But I Don’t Need To See It Again
  3. The Call Of The Wild Hair Up My Backside
  4. The Catcher In Rye Was Actually Pretty Versatile
  5. Damn, That Portnoy Guy Is Such A Whiner
  6. A Farewell To Arms And Legs And Part Of My Spleen
  7. The French Lieutenant’s Woman’s Third Cousin, Twice Removed
  8. Gravity’s Dense Fog Advisory
  9. Half-Naked Lunch On The LGBT Cruise
  10. The Heart Isn’t Too Lonely A Hunter Because It Has The Lungs For Company
  11. Of Human Bondage And Discipline
  12. To The Lighthouse, Jeeves
  13. The Naked And The Dead Will Both Land You In Jail, If You’re Not Careful
  14. A Passage To Indiana
  15. A Portrait Of The Artist As A Starving Artist
  16. The Postman Always Rings Twice While I’m In The Shower
  17. A Prayer For Owen Wilson
  18. A Room With A View Of The Parking Lot
  19. Sons And Lovers Will Also Land You In Jail, If You’re Not Careful
  20. Sophie’s Choice Words For That Snooty Waiter
  21. The Sun Doesn’t Actually Rise, You Know
  22. Tobacco Road Warning Labels Are Pretty Graphic In Canada
  23. The Tropic Of Mesothelioma
  24. The Verses That Some Thought Were Satanic But Were Really Just A Megadeth Album
  25. Zen And The Art Of Taking Your Motorcycle To The Shop On A Sunday When None Of The Shops Are Open Anyway

* I know, I know. I’m having a BuzzFeed moment. It’ll pass.

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