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So, DIE! MOMMY! DIE! is a curious thing.

The show’s going really well–in fact, the cast and crew have done an outstanding job. It’s funny and outrageous and pretty to look at, and hopefully it reminds everyone that our actors can really act. I couldn’t be happier. None of us could.

Except maybe where attendance is concerned.

Now, don’t get me wrong: audiences have been good–at least as good as A Place in the Sun, if not marginally better. I was a bit worried about that, thanks to the nation’s economic climate and the fact that New Orleanians still seem jangled from certain Meteorological Events. Thankfully, that hasn’t been the case.

However, we’re having to beat the bushes a little to drum up business. Since there’s a movie of the play–a movie that has a small cult following–I was secretly hoping for sell-out run on par with our production of Sordid Lives. Hell, if anything, this show ought to do better: DIE! MOMMY! DIE! is a brilliant parody of an entire cinematic genre, while Sordid Lives…well, to call it clunky would be generous. Admittedly, the movie of Sordid Lives is an improvement on the play, while the film of DIE! MOMMY! DIE! is not. But still: I was hoping to see some hot, Tokyo subway crowdedness in Le Chat’s waiting area.

Which is why I cobbled together a trailer:

See, people? It’s funny. It has men in dresses and snappy, Bette Davis-esque dialogue. There are hilarious low-tech effects, a live-on-stage acid trip, and the World’s Largest Suppository in Captivity. And there’s no fake blood, so don’t be afraid to sit on the front row. Only two more weekends, so get moving!

LOVE/HATE

LOVE: Pretty photos of Lebanon.

HATE: The fact that I’ve never been to Lebanon. And that my biological father doesn’t seem inclined to take me to the home country for a visit with the relatives–at least not anytime soon.

LOVE: This series of curiously poofy cartoons that may or may not have anything to do with the gay life of Sherlock Holmes.

HATE: This British priest who’d be positively delighted if Olde Ladie Englande lost consciousness, fell in a ditch, and woke up with amnesia, so he could reinstate laws to prevent Sodomites from sodomizing willy nilly. Such as:

Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS.

LOVE: This video bit between Karl Lagerfeld and Tom Ford and the fact that it may be magnificent or possibly horrible. I can’t tell.

HATE: The fact that Mr. Ford has never sent me one of his impeccable suits. Ever. Hint.

LOVE: The fact that Americans seem grown-up enough to have grown-up discussions about polyamorous relationships.

HATE: The fact that economic crisis (usually) = a surge in fiscal and social conservativism = moot discussions about polyamorous relationships.

LOVE: Finding poems that are short and to the point. Also: beautiful.

HATE: Most poetry.

LOVE: Superheroes who are super and also nude.

HATE: Fully clothed persons, super or not.

LOVE: The curious and poignant coincidences of the free market system.

HATE: That I am too tired to hate much more today. But I love that there is tomorrow.

ANOTHER REASON NOT TO HATE TO LOVE BRAD PITT

More good news for New Orleans: cosmetics powerhouse Kiehl’s has apparently formed a partnership with Brad Pitt called JPF Eco Systems (which is not the most memorable or descriptive of names, but Brad isn’t in the habit of calling me up at 3:00 in the morning and running these sorts of things by me). The way the partnership seems to work is that Kiehl’s identifies a product–say, a new one that needs promoting–and then dedicates 100% of that item’s profits to a charity of Pitt’s choice.

The first product in the batter’s box is Kiehl’s “Aloe Vera” Biodegradable Liquid Body Cleanser, and proceeds will benefit–you guessed it–Pitt’s Make It Right foundation, which, as we should all know by now, supports sustainable housing initiatives in New Orleans.

I’m still not sure why the partnership needs a name itself–unless “JPF” stands for “Jolie-Pitt Foundation”, and Angelina wanted her name in there somewhere, goddammit. Frankly, I think it confuses things. Also confusing: the use of scare quotes around “Aloe Vera”. Is there aloe in that bottle or not? Or did Kiehl’s just use quotation marks when they really meant to underline? Was there no English major in the room when they sent the labels to press? And on a related note: why haven’t I seen any mention if this in the local media–apart from the fact that I don’t read?

Of course, I’d be happy to drop all those contentions if only Brad and/or Angelina would come to my house to show me how to use the stuff.

FILE UNDER “HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP”
CC TO “GO ON WITH YOUR BADASS SELF”

Not only has the esteemed and learned Clancy DuBos stepped down as editor of Gambit Weekly, but he’s been replaced by smartypants, savvypants, hotpants, and vaguelyclosepersonalfriend Kevin Allman. If you’re not from New Orleans, that may not mean much, but trust me: Kevin is a great choice for the job and should work really well with the rest of the Gambit staff.

The downside? Kevin will probably be so busy with smoking cigars and crushing the little people and laughing over New Yorker cartoons and whatever else people do in editorial meetings that he’ll have less time to blog. Which is sad because although they have some really good writers over there, Kevin’s voice is distinctive and very funny.

All of which begs a shameless hussy of a question: Hey, Kevin, y’all need a hand over yonder?

• Our show opened. The cast, crew, and I survived with non-life-threatening injuries. Hoofreakinray.
• My sister released promo videos for her new CD, DVD, and boxed set. That boxed set is looking awfully literal.
• The US Senate held hearings on the pros and cons of offering domestic partner benefits to federal employees. (Which would finally bring the feds in line with most Fortune 500 companies and many American cities. Also: Ecuador.) Pretty major news, pretty minimal coverage.
• A teenager in Iran has been sentenced to death. For being gay.
• Across the border, the man who tried to make Iraq a marginally safer place for gays and lesbians has been assassinated.
• John Stewart got all Smartypants McGee and made me love him even more. Stephen Colbert was there, too.
• Nagin’s administrative trainwreck has damaged yet another group of innocent bystanders–this time, those living with HIV and AIDS.
• Billy went back on his word. He said he’d never play again. Well, it’s on, Mr. Corgan. It’s so on.

Denied! Bravo Prevents Project Runway Takeoff

A judge has granted NBC Universal a preliminary injunction that prevents the Weinstein Co. from moving Project Runway from NBCU-owned Bravo to Lifetime next year.

“NBC Universal is pleased that the court granted our motion for a preliminary injunction against the Weinstein Company,” the media powerhouse said in a statement.

“The overwhelming evidence demonstrated that the Weinstein Company violated NBC Universal’s right of first refusal to future cycles of Project Runway. After hearing all of the evidence, the court issued an order prohibiting the Weinstein Company from taking the show or any spinoff to Lifetime.”

“We are disappointed with the court’s decision to grant the preliminary injunction against the Weinstein Company.,” Lifetime said in response to the ruling.

“It’s unfortunate that the people hurt most by this ongoing dispute are the loyal fans of Project Runway….”

full story at E! Online

[via Brad]

Fans hurt? Please, Mary. If anything, the show’s fans are happy that they finally have some drama to watch. Seriously: the mealy-mouthed dullards on PR this season are about as interesting as John McCain’s sex life–which is to say, the exact opposite of interesting. Also: laughable and occasionally revolting.

If you’re in New Orleans, I have two suggestions for you this weekend:

1. See our new show, DIE! MOMMY! DIE!, dammit.

2. Also see Thrill me, playing its final weekend at the Marigny Theatre.

Now, I know what you’re thinking about that second one: a musical drama? A new musical drama? About Leopold and Loeb? Believe me, I know. I had the same concerns when I went last Sunday night. But honestly, by the time they started plotting Bobby Franks’ death, I was totally, 100% hooked. Loeb’s seduction of Franks is especially good, as was the subsequent unraveling of the duo’s Nietzschean plot. The production was simple and spare and intimate and engaging and inventive–exactly my kind of show. Maybe not the kind I tend to work on, but the kind I love to see in my off hours.

Yeah, I know the weather’s pretty, and sure, you ought to get outside a bit while the getting is good. But would it kill you to sit in a darkened room with a cocktail and enjoy some hot, thespian action? Sheesh.

THE ASSHAT: IN HIS OWN WORDS

Here’s the direct link, in case CNN’s wonky video stream crashes.

IDIOTWATCH UPDATE:

“LaBruzzo idea at odds with welfare numbers”

“State Rep. John LaBruzzo says the government should consider cash incentives for poor people to undergo reproductive sterilization, because society is careening toward a day when persons on public assistance outnumber taxpayers and the economy collapses. A look at Louisiana welfare numbers suggests his fear is unfounded….

“Figures from the state Department of Social Services show recipients of the main form of welfare, the Family Independence Temporary Assistance Program, have plunged from a monthly average of 280,177 people in fiscal 1990-91 to 13,504 people in 2006-07. The monthly grant to a qualifying mother with two children is now $240.

“Total annual spending over the 16-year period dropped from $187.2 million to $16.5 million, less than legislators earmarked for pet projects.

“The main reason for the decline, said Social Services spokeswoman Cheryl Michelet, is the 1996 federal welfare reform legislation signed by President Clinton. It put a five-year lifetime cap on benefits….” [emphasis totally 100% mine]

full story at NOLA.com

Hi, Metairie:

I know there’s been some tension between us lately. I know it’s mostly because you hate it when people think of Metairie as “New Orleans”. That reaction doesn’t surprise me–y’all got your start being an alternative to New Orleans, back in the white-flight gold rush of the 50s and 60s. With your well-kept subdivisions and your sensible, frequently lionized parish president and your rational street grid (Old Metairie not withstanding), you’re pretty much everything that Orleans Parish isn’t. And you want to stay that way. Which is totally fine….

However: we have GOT to talk about your weirdass taste in state representatives. Seriously. I thought y’all might’ve learned a valuable lesson back in the day, when you elected David Duke to the House; I remember that moment pretty clearly, because there was a coast-to-coast epidemic of whiplash when everyone else in America stopped what they were doing and looked at y’all like you had 37 arms and a canister of Zyklon B tucked under each of them.

And now? Your state representative Steve LaBruzzo wants to offer every poor woman in Louisiana $1000 and a heaping helping of free hysterectomy. I’m not joking, dude.

Now, okay: I know I’ve seen women with too many kids. We’ve all had that moment at Schwegmann’s or Robert’s or Rouse’s or whatever they’re calling themselves these days and seen that woman–the one with a cart piled up with Little Debbie snack cakes and too many mouths to feed. But, um, how to put this delicately: EUGENICS IS NOT AN OPTION. Please, pull Stevie aside and tell him that if he’s concerned about rising welfare costs and how poor people are having more kids than wealthy people, he ought to address the bigger problem–namely, Louisiana’s crazy quilt of an educational system. Unfortunately for LaBruzzo, bringing that up to speed will be a slow, time-consuming, not-so-showy process, and might even involve teaching sex ed, which I’m pretty sure he’d oppose. (FYI, he also opposes freedom of choice for women; luring women to have state-funded surgery is fine, but goddess forbid that we allow those same women to pay for a safe, secure abortion.) The only thing that LaBruzzo proves by pushing eugenics is that he, too, is totally undereducated–which begs the question: would he really be willing to include free vasectomies for guys? And would he be first in line? That might sway my opinion on the matter.

Bottom line: I know that Orleans parish has its share of fuckups. Honestly, I would love nothing more than to see C. Ray and Dollar Bill get gaymarried tomorrow and set up housekeeping in Napa Valley. But clearly we are not alone in this drifting tugboat we call a state. Please fix the problem ASAP.

xoxo Richard

P.S. Yes, I’ve been watching Gossip Girl.

P.P.S. Can you tell me something? Seriously now: were David Duke and Al Copeland the same person? Or at least cousins? Because the all that Tiny Dick Syndrome and Plastic Surgery Addition seems a shade too coincidental for my tastes. Just curious.