Fellow Gustav-watchers: if you haven’t already done so, may I suggest ditching Anderson Cooper for a while (we’ll be back, sweetie!) and getting your news from WWL TV instead? Dennis and Angela are smart, sanguine, and storm-savvy. Also, they know full well how to pronounce “New Orleans”, which you’d have thought everyone on Planet Earth learned a couple of years ago, but apparently not. Added bonus: Angela’s outfits!
I really wish CNN would stop running the headline “FLOODWATERS OVERTOP INDUSTRIAL CANAL LEVEE IN NEW ORLEANS”. The water is very high in the canal, and some water is blowing over the top, so maybe it’s semantic, but “overtop” sounds a little more dire and hysteria-inducing than necessary at the moment. Attention, CNN: we are already hysterical enough, thankyouverymuch. Also, CNN: I am within five blocks of your offices right now. Do not make me come down there.
I watched a lot of television when Katrina struck. For several days, I was pretty much glued to Drew and Don’s living room floor. Thankfully, I soon realized that my psychological well being rose and sank in direct correlation to the amount of TV I saw. Even more luckily, the biggest gym in Lafayette offered New Orleanians a free month’s membership. All that yoga didn’t keep me from packing on weight, but at least I was happy. And fat–very fat.
Here in Atlanta, it’s a different story. I mean, it’s nice and everything, and it’s a pretty city, but we’re in a hotel this go-round, rather than with friends. Fewer distractions, more TV. I’m trying to avoid the CNN feast, but it’s a little hard. And there’s no gym–well, at least nothing free. Hello, fatness, my old friend.
On the upside: I have to say–and maybe I’m being optimistic, maybe I’m in denial–but it seems like they’re trying to make Gustav bigger than it is. Not that I don’t enjoy watching a windswept Andy Cooper do his thing–repeatedly–but it feels as if this might be a bit of a washout. (No pun intended.) Then again, maybe it seemed that way during Katrina. One more hour, then the dogs and I are going for a very long walk.
We’re in Atlanta, which is good, I suppose. The city seems fairly dog-friendly, and it is very well air-conditioned. Also: it is not in the path of a hurricane. Yet.
We were lucky on the drive out. We left yesterday morning, and I have to say, we were a little concerned. Getting across Lake Pontchartrain, which usually takes 30 minutes tops, took an hour and a half. After the bridge, though, traffic moved normally. The roads were crowded, yes, but everyone was moving at 70 or 80 miles per hour, so that was good. I am very sorry to hear about the contraflow problems on I-59. I’m sure traffic on that route was lighter for Katrina, so maybe there were some kinks officials missed. It makes my stomach hurt to think that we seriously considered waiting for the contraflow to begin before leaving.
I am a child of the 80s and a frequent fan of ACT UP rhetoric, but it is very hard to turn my sadness into rage right now. Even if I could, at whom would I direct the rage? Poseidon? Flatulent cows? An anthropomorphized meteorological event? It’s kind of a moot point, because I’m pretty well exhausted by now.
On the upside, nearly everyone I know left town, and we’ve all been really good at keeping each another apprised of our whereabouts. (A painful lesson taken away from Katrina.) I know only four people who decided to ride out the storm. Two were obligated because of their jobs (one’s a nurse, one’s an emergency worker for his parish). Two others chose to stay because…well, I don’t really know why. But I know where they are, and I know they’re VERY well prepared, and I know that they’ve been contracted to provide food to the New Orleans Police Department after the storm passes, so they’ll make some cash. Yay for entrepreneurship.
I’m thinking of all those people right now–those who stayed and those who didn’t. I’ll do so tonight and all day tomorrow. By nightfall, the worst of it should be over, and I hope to hear from everyone shortly thereafter. Thanks for the kind emails and tweets and comments and such; I’ll respond to most of them later. I need some food now. I’m sorry.
Blogging by phone, so I’ll be brief: (a) we made it out just fine yesterday; (b) we spent the night with Callie in Columbus, GA; (c) I ate MANY AMAZING CHICKEN LIVERS today; (d) we are heading on to Atlanta in a few minutes; (e) we left Dave in charge of the homestead, since he was obligated to stay; (f) unless McCain has meteorological powers to rival Doctor Bombay, we don't need his help. More when we hit the 404….
Attention, people at the National Hurricane Center:
I know it’s a little late for this, but my partner, Jonno, and I have some suggestions for future storm names. Not that there’s anything wrong with the ones you’ve chosen but…oh, who are we kidding? They totally suck.
Seriously: Gustav? You’re trying to get people interested, to make them pay attention, and you’re going with Gustav? Do we really need to tell you that NO ONE KNOWS Flaubert? He’s like someone you’re supposed to read in French class, but you slink by with the Cliffs Notes summary, and Madame Washington is none the wiser. And of the (maybe) 12 people who remember him, NO ONE remembers his first name.
That said, we have some great suggestions that ought to liven things up. They appeal to a broad demographic, including literary types, pop culture junkies, and ‘tards. Check out these babies:
• Hurricane Ignatius P. Reilly (A storm any bookworm would love!)
• Hurricane Jan Brady (They still run that show in syndication, you know.)
• Hurricane Kenickie (Everybody remembers Grease!)
• Hurricane Linda Lavin (It’s alliterative!)
• Hurricane Marcelle Marceau (Also alliterative!)
• Hurricane Nanette Fabray (I lobbied for Nana Mouskouri, but no dice. Sad face.)
• Hurricane Otis Spunkmeyer (But only if he sponsors it.)
• Hurricane Pussy Terwilliger (A celebrity, but only in in my mind.)
That’s all we’ve come up with so far, but we can totally go all the way to Z if necessary. Just give us the word.
With everything else going on right now, a ditty about the agony of waiting seems somehow appropriate. As a bonus: it’s performed by one of my fave Greek songstresses, produced by Quincy Jones, and the video incorporates half a dozen oversized African masks:
It works on so many levels.
Hurricane Preparedness Watch: Volume #3
George Bush
• Has declared State of Emergency in Louisiana.
National Guard
• Is en route to New Orleans to provide coverage throughout the city.
St. Tammany Parish Officials
• Have already declared a State of Emergency.
Ray Nagin
• Took part in a joint press conference last night, at which he had apparently little to say.
• May be having lunch, because as of 12:55pm today, there’s no sign of him on the news feeds.
• Should really fire his freakin’ webmaster.
Summary:
Jindal: 7
Bush: 1
National guard: 1
St. Tammany: 1
Nagin: -4
CityOfNO webmaster: -6
Being in New Orleans on August 29, 2008 is a strange and magnificent thing. Obviously, there’s a certain anniversary to consider. A storm has its eye on the metro area. Banksy walks among us. And for some reason, there’s a lot of activity, a lot of buzz: helicopters and planes flying low in the air, sirens wailing. Frankly, it’s kind of exciting.
Which is fine now, but in a few days, I’ll probably be wishing for far less exciting times.
Hurricane Preparedness Watch: Volume #2
• Declares emergency
• Asks for federal help
• Steps up readiness plan, including buses for evacuation
• May still be in Denver, or possibly on a plane
• Says there are “no shelters of last resort”
• Questions the stability of levees
• Says that 7,000 people have registered for assistance with evacuation through the 311 service–although that service appears to be down a lot and doesn’t seem to provide any specifics on evacuation plans
• Has a webmaster who posted some lovely photos (but sadly no useful information) from a Gustav-related press conference at City Hall
Summary:
Jindal: 7
Nagin: -4
CityOfNO webmaster: -6
sturtle [dot] com 