Standard

random bits

  • My sister has driven the jealousy stake an inch deeper into my heart: she’s opening for Marc Almond this summer. [If you’re too young to understand my gay, 80s envy, check this.]
  • It’s never too early to start thinking about Halloween. For 2004, I’m considering going as (a) Lynyrd Skynyrd, (b) Molly Hatchet, (c) Jethro Tull, or (d) Judas Priest. As I understand it, each of the four costumes would be fairly similar, the only real difference being the length of the wig. Opinions?
  • I am currently ambivalent about the following people: Bill Cosby, John Kerry, Gwen Stefani, Michael Moore, Colin Powell, Malcolm McLaren, Soledad O’Brien, Billy Crudup, and Beyonce Knowles. However, my unmitigated hatred of Avril Lavigne, Calista Flockhart, 50 Cent, Kevin Costner, and Andre Agassi continues apace, balanced only by my awed reverence for Missy Elliot, Emily Watson, Amy Sedaris, Seth MacFarlane, and Madeleine Albright.
  • I’m planning one big vacation and numerous weekend trips this summer–something I haven’t done since we bought our house and began renovations over four years ago. You can follow along on my travels by reading the Weekly World News: spottings of me at Taco Bells across the nation will be posted on page four.
Standard

District Judge Monty L. Doggett issued arrest warrants when he was too drunk to read them, was sometimes so intoxicated that court had to be canceled, and once had to be carried out of his courtroom by deputies, the Louisiana Supreme Court said in its unanimous ruling Tuesday….

Doggett claimed that since he was re-elected after his alcoholism was made public, his constituents were aware of his problem and did not care.


— New Orleans Business.com

Standard

Dear goddess,

Let me begin by thanking you for the many things you have given me–including, but not limited to, a healthy level of melanin, a staunchly medium frame, and eyes that elicit comments like, “Well, those are interesting.” You done real good.

That said, I’d like to ask you to demonstrate your kindness once again by preventing this hideous campaign from ever catching on in middle America. Please use your supernatural powers to make the citizens of this great nation understand that these ads are dated, derivative, and very, very unfunny. (It may help to remind them of Right Said Fred.) Please also use those same powers to remaind a certain creative director about a campaign for a very short-lived sandwich called the McLean, which taught us that ads which demean or belittle a product are bad for business–unless, of course, you’re in the business of losing clients. In sum, we (meaning “I”) want to see this campaign crashing, burning, drawn, quartered, and spat upon by 99 Croatian war widows.

Warmly,

Richard

P.S. Has anyone told you that your hair’s looking especially good these days? It’s true. Very flattering…

Standard

Teaching Alanis a lesson in irony

Okay, so not only has this vaguely hagged-out Sandi Patti-in-waiting officially, ludicrously expressed her sympathy for the unfathomably successful/wealthy/surgically enhanced Ms. Spears and her natural urges (my, but those grapes are sour), but CNN didn’t even bother to use her photo. It must suck to have a publicist who (a) makes you come off as a bitter prude and then (b) can’t even get your damn photo on the news…

Ooh, I’m sounding a little bitter myself, n’est-ce pas? Perhaps I’ll level out when I’m able to catch up on sleep next week. Until then, do us both a favor and stay outta my way.

Standard

Things I Found

I’m still busy, and I’ll continue to be so through the 20th. It’s that time of year, I guess: between work and theatre and houseguests, it’s nonstop.

In the meantime:

Standard

AN UPDATE

  • I’m alive.
  • I’m crazy busy.
  • I haven’t called either of my mothers or planned Mother’s Day gifts.
  • I still like neckties, but I hate wearing them.
  • I’ve been eating absurd amounts of ice cream.
  • My garden looks great for now, but we’ll see how things go when it gets hot.
  • I’ve overcome my fear of hydrangeas (so snaky) and my aversion to roses (so needy), but I still loathe annuals (what’s the point?).
  • I’m taking my first-ever tai chi lesson tomorrow, and I’m really excited.
  • I’m fascinated by this gay hockey story, but it really confuses me.
  • I seriously misunderstood the title of this article.
  • The boyfriend and I recently celebrated seven years together.
  • Some of you thought I was joking about the Hello Kitty Vibrator. I wasn’t. [Thanks for the back-up, pk.]
  • As Catherine Deneuve once said, “I love you. I love you all.”

Standard

On the whole, I’d have to say I’m proud to tell folks I’m from Louisiana. No, it’s not all peaches and cream, and sure, we have our share of problems, but life can be so good here sometimes…

Then some idiot up in Baton Rouge has to go and propose a ludicrous bit of legislation that makes us all look like morons. I mean, does he understand what the enactment of such a law would do to Coyote Ugly‘s bottom line? (ba-bum-bump)