Hi, I’m Martha (cue fresh, happy, New Age-style technorock music). I’m good for you. I’m good for your home. How can I be bad? Just because I’m blonde and have lots of money and I’m always surrounded by great orchids, everyone thinks I’ve got to have an evil side. But I don’t! I swear! I was just following the advice of my very hot, very gay stockbroker.
Here, read this letter I wrote just for you. You’ll see how sincere I am…. I mean, look at my highlights: how could anyone with highlights this subtle be obliquely pragmatic like they keep saying I’ve been? Gosh, I don’t even know what that means!
…You know, I’d love to hear from you (cue Enigma’s “Sade [Dis-Moi] 2003, DeepFreakLove Mix”). Why don’t you drop me an email, cutie-pie? Let me tell you about my innocence in person. You know you’re gonna love that…
What? You still don’t believe me (cue track #2 from The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste)? Then maybe you’d like to read a statement from my goddamn attorney!?!
sturtle [dot] com 