Dear History Channel:

What the hell are you doing?

I mean, you’re the freaking HISTORY CHANNEL fer chrissakes. Okay, I admit, your target demographic may be a little more manly, a little more likely to own multiple assault weapons, a little more prone to compensate for a small penis. So maybe you need to punch up your junk, condensing the Civil War into something like The 10 Most Awesomely Bloody Bayonet Wounds of Gettysburg. That’s fine.

But what the bejesus is Life After People? Did some stoner on your staff see that Will Smith thing and think, “Aw, dude! Let’s churn out a whole movie like that!” Weak. It’s not history, it’s an exercise in Photoshop. A half-assed exercise in Photoshop, even. Put it in a low-rent biennial somewhere in the Ukraine. Or better yet, give it to Animal Planet.

Your ceaseless pandering is making me very angry. A channel with an online presence as austere as ought to have a little sense of pride.

Your history-minded and ever-more crotchety friend,


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