Dear John Hodgman:

I just read your post about Rick Warren, and I would like to take this opportunity to profess my undying love. (For you, not Mr. Warren.) You are so eloquent and thoughtful on the matter of all things gay that I plan to write the HRC and request special funding for you and your occasional dark master, the equally eloquent Jon Stewart. HRC’s lobbying efforts on capitol hills across the nation would be far more effective with you and Mr. Stewart waging a battle royale for the hearts and minds of America’s hockey moms. Maybe your pal, Ms. Vowell, could tag along, too. She’s neat.

To be honest, I hadn’t given much thought to Mr. Warren. I was vaguely aware of him, and I knew that he had, in the past, taken flack from evangelicals for being too moderate. As someone who spent much of his childhood in a near-evangelical household, that sounded pretty good to me. Which, I suppose, is like a high school sissy saying, “Wow, that bully beats me up a little less than everyone else. He’s awesome”, but there you go.

When Obama announced that he’d tapped Warren–figuratively–I was actually somewhat “meh” (nb: potentially overused word of 2009). I’m not a fan of religion, but I’m a pragmatist, and I understand you have to have a prayer at shindigs like that, or America will call you names.

However, because of you, I am no longer ambivalent about the choice of Mr. Warren. I am not exactly Yosemite-Sam-rootin-tootin mad about it, but it is definitely a mark against Obama in my book. In ink. Thank you.

One more thing: while you’re at this business of changing the world, can you do something about Nicole Kidman? Her face is just…well, it’s just awful. And that Australia movie? I mean, the trailer tells you everything you need to know, doesn’t it? …Anyway, if you could do something about her–at least foment some public scorn–that would be just great. Thanks in advance.

With much love and admiration, I am your humble servant and remain,

Sincerely yours,


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