Just to be clear: yes, I write, and yes, I get paid to do so, but no, I don’t consider myself a journalist. Journalists are obsessive and fact-checky and inquisitive and smart. I look at Wikipedia a couple of times and, if the coffee’s strong enough, I’ll Google something.

I have the luxury of being so breezy because I write mostly about fluffy stuff, while the others on staff prefer picking apart the minutiae of breaking news. (I might enjoy that, too, if I had more time, but what ‘cha gonna do?)

As examples of said fluffy stuff, behold two video clips I endured yesterday — each featuring Tila Tequila, her new Lambo Gallardo, and pumps to match. She allegedly bought both with the advance from her upcoming porn film. I had no idea that Vivid was coughing up that kind of dough these days. Clearly, I was born with the wrong skill set. And reproductive organs.