Things Grace Jones would give as Secret Santa

Standard
  • A grin of possums
  • Nipple clamps forged from the finest Nepalese meteorites
  • Possum-shaped pasties (set of three)
  • His and hers menstrual cups
  • Baby monitor lizards with custom Balenciaga booties
  • Starbucks gift cards in increments of $19.48
  • Sexy IOUs
  • Shrubbery
  • The $25,000 Pyramid home game
  • One heaping handful of Peruvian cocaine (no baggie due to eco concerns)
  • Monogrammed washcloths
  • Cocaine-scented washcloths
  • Rear bumpers stolen from double-parked Lincoln Town Cars
  • Coal
  • Jamaican pie

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