Bible thumper has never heard of central heating

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Hello, and welcome to the first day of spring.

Spring means many things. Animals awake from hibernation and hump everything in sight. High school seniors anxiously await their first taste of freedom, which they savor for about 30 seconds before the ice-cold mackerel of adulthood smacks them across the ass.

And by definition, spring also means that winter is over. Which means that this year, another Jesus-y fuckwit has been proven wrong with his End Times, rage fantasy bullshit. Unless you’ve all stopped watching porn, in which case: holy shit, the son of a bitch was right.

End Times broadcaster Rick Wiles is convinced that the earth is about to experience a new ice age that will last for hundreds of years and wipe out a large percentage of humanity … but, on the upside, it will also destroy Planned Parenthood.

“You can laugh, mock, ridicule all you want, but you’re going to end up freezing to death,” Wiles said on his “TruNews” program last night. “This thing is here, it’s arriving and it’s arriving quickly and it’s arriving this year. We’re going to see the onset of this ice age in the winter of 2018.”

After co-host Doc Burkhart explained that this coming ice age is “the result of man’s sin,” Wiles took solace in the idea that it will at least also “freeze out a lot of sin.”

“It will freeze out Planned Parenthood,” he said. “There won’t be very many abortions in America 15 or 20 years from now. There is not going to be a lot of pornography consumption. There is not going to be a lot of drug use. It’s going to freeze out a lot of sin, that’s for sure because a lot of people are going to be dead. That is just a fact. An ice age wipes out a substantial portion of the population.”

via Right Wing Watch

If I thought for one minute that Miss Wiles remembered what she said back in November, I’d laugh, mock, ridicule, and feel a warm, toasty sense of schadenfreude. Sadly, people that unhinged can barely remember to come in out of the rain, much less what they said to fill airtime five months ago.

Instead, I think I’ll celebrate by not freezing to death and by making my usual monthly gift to Planned Parenthood.

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