I love a collective noun. It adds personality to something that would otherwise be generic, overlooked, invisible. Sure, you can call a bunch of ravens a “group” and still be invited to all the best parties, but it’s much more interesting to call that bunch an “unkindness”. A group is just a group, but an unkindness? That’s got oomph.

Other knockouts include:

• A shewdness of apes
• A cauldron of bats
• A consortium of crabs
• A murder of crows
• A parade of elephants
• A tower of giraffes
• A richness of martens
• A parliament of owls
• A prickle of porcupines
• A maelstrom of salamanders
• An audience of squid

And my personal favorite:

• A blessing of unicorns

Alas, collective nouns apply mostly to non-human animals. We have plenty of synonyms for groups of people–army, band, bevy, crew, crowd, gang, mob, throng, etc.–but they’re not applied consistently to particular collections of folks. A few phrases have entered our vocabulary like a “bevy of beauties” or a “gang of thieves”, but it’s mostly because we like the alliteration or the meter. You could just as easily say a “crush of beauties” of a “mob of thieves”, and no one would give you the stinkeye.

And so, I’d like to propose a few updates–a few collective nouns to give the English language more flair:

• A benevolence of nurses
• A menace of babydykes
• An ululation of bachelorettes
• A fetch of basic bitches
• An imbroglio of bros
• A besiegement of Beliebers
• A token of Chaturbators
• A scruff of circuit bears
• A closet of evangelicals
• A screech of debutantes
• An ossification of deacons
• A generosity of daddies
• A tintinnabulation of Hare Krishnas
• A kibble of furries
• A soupçon of normies
• A swoon of leather queens
• A supersaturation of influencers
• A snarl of DILFs
• A yawp of GILFS
• An abhorrence Log Cabin Republicans
• A transmutation of muscle Marys
• A slip of otters
• A protuberance of strippers
• A limpness of parTy queens
• A jaundice of Proud Boys
• A lacrymatory of theatre queens
• A potluck of Radical Faeries
• A hotpocket of stoned gamers
• A flatulence of vegans
• A spread of tarot card readers
• An arrogance of trade

And of course:

• A vanity of bloggers