“High above the cornfields and farms, he stepped out of the airplane as casually as if he were walking into the grocery store, without looking back or telling me goodbye.”

“The bombs began falling at sundown and didn’t stop until shortly before dawn.”

“My first date with Darrell was as awkward as an old Jimmy Stewart movie, but with a much better sex scene at the end.”

“I named Joan the same way I name all my dogs: I scanned the three shelves of wigs lining my bedroom wall, found the one that best matched her personality, and imagined the name of the person who’d wear it to church on Sunday.”

“In my neighborhood, you quickly learn to tell the difference between handguns, nail guns, and fireworks.”

“At 14, I refused to believe the doctors who told me that my condition was fatal, but as it turns out, they were right.”

“I hate three things in this world: neckties, ramen noodles, and businesses that spell ‘country’ with a K.”

“I found mama three days after she died, under the covers of her old double bed, with a copy of People Magazine on her chest, opened to a piece about Angelina Jolie trying raise her children in a ‘normal’ way, whatever the hell that means.”

“Some people say that cooking is like sex, but I enjoy sex too much to believe that.”

“The most important piece of advice I’ve ever gotten came from my aunt Libby, who said, ‘If you want somebody’s attention, slap ’em’.”