“They say silence is golden. Silence isn’t golden. Silence is annoying.” — Miss Kiki DuRane

I’m heading to the beach today — Fort Morgan, Alabama. It’s no Navarre, but it beats what we’ve got in Louisiana.

(NB: there is nothing sadder/funnier than seeing tourists who’ve come to New Orleans expecting beaches and are told the nearest ones are an hour to the east — and the good ones are two hours further. Grand Isle is a little closer than that, but…well, we don’t send people to Grand Isle for the beaches.)

I’ll be spending the weekend with my family (most of whom I dearly love) in a beach house owned by my dad’s best friend. In true Southern Baptist fashion, the men will stay at the house, while the women (including wives) will stay at a condo about a mile down the beach. Because the thought of potentially sexy co-ed vacationing is just too much to bear.

In the meantime, and on a thoroughly unrelated note, here are some links I’ve enjoyed the past few days and that I’ve been meaning to share. Enjoy ’em or ignore ’em: the ball’s in your court.

1. My fascination with Lord Gaga continues:

2. The Internet Manifesto contains many intriguing truisms, including “The Internet changes improves journalism” and “Links reward, citations adorn”. Discuss.

3. Reason #27 to love Andy Towle: he is as big a science nerd as I am. Possibly bigger:

4. Vegemite is delicious, but the company’s linking policy sucks. Also, it is laughable and ridiculous, therefore: Vegemite, Vegemite, Vegemite, Vegemite, Vegemite, Vegemite, Vegemite.

5. I’ve never heard of John G. Moebes, but apparently, he was kind of a genius:

6. And finally, Big Brother: Australia is completely, totally, 100% Not Safe For Work:

http://static.ning.com/socialnetworkmain/widgets/video/flvplayer/flvplayer.swf?v=4.11.2%3Acc34b3b

Dock Board approves moving New Orleans Cold Storage Uptown

The Dock Board that governs the Port of New Orleans this morning approved moving New Orleans Cold Storage to Uptown cargo docks, abandoning longheld plans to relocate the poultry exporter from the Industrial Canal to docks near the French Quarter.

A cadre of Louisiana politicians — including Lieutenant Gov. Mitch Landrieu, New Orleans City Councilwoman Jackie Clarkson and Rep. Juan LaFonta — hailed the decision at a news conference after the board’s monthly meeting.

“This is a day we should all celebrate with a lot of joy,” said Landrieu, praising the port for listening to neighborhood groups that opposed initial plans to put NOCS at the foot of the French Market.

Residents of the Faubourg Marigny, French Quarter and Bywater launched a grassroots campaign against the project, saying the blast-freezing facility and trucking operation would harm the environment, cause traffic and threaten historic neighborhoods. The campaign grew stronger with the involvement of local politicians, including those present at Wednesday’s news conference and Sen. Mary Landrieu, D-La.

[Port CEO Gary] LaGrange said opposition from so many New Orleans residents played a key role in Wednesday’s decision to put the new NOCS headquarters on riverfront docks at the foot of Henry Clay and Nashville avenues. Existing terminal operator Ports America agreed to give up some of its space to make room for NOCS, which will get a new lease for the site.

“Certainly we listened to the neighborhoods,” LaGrange said. “We’re sensitive people.”

— full story at NOLA.com

Would it be too bitter and boastful to call Gary’s claim pure hogwash?

Clown for Kicks (Mendota Heights)

Date: 2009-08-28, 11:12AM CDT
Reply to: sale-hqu43-1346837248@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I am looking for someone to dress up like a Clown and hang out with me. I would cook you diner – or we could BBQ something. I’m interested in making my neighbor lady wonder. I have already had a man in a panda costume last month – and also had a heard of sheep come in for the day to cut the grass. (sheep do a good job by the way). A clown would be something.

Maybe you could bring some balloons – or make balloon animals to hang in my tree. I’d like to have this done some evening between 6pm and dark. The longer you can stay the better (like if you could stay for the whole 3 hours). Do you have any tricks you could do?

Like I said – I could cook diner and get you drunk – I’d even be willing to pay your cab fare to and from. I don’t have much to offer – and my neighbor lady is driving me nuts – so I want to drive her nuts. If you had a Mime friend – it would be cool to see you two chase each other around the yard or do relay races while I time you.

Let me know your thoughts – open to Men and Women Clowns.

Location: Mendota Heights
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[via AliExplainsItAll, etc.]

Yes, that timestamp could just be from a camera with Euro date coding. But where’s the fun in that? Let’s just assume it’s from the future and call it a day.

It should go without saying that I am thoroughly retarded. I am also a misanthrope, a liar, and an all-talk-no-actioner. I am just this side of being a total douchebag. I will tell you why.

This is a big weekend in New Orleans: Southern Decadence, a four-day homo pow-wow that rivals Mardi Gras for parties and special events and generally interesting street fare, including quite a lot of eye candy. Admittedly, I’m not the sort of person who really digs getting slung up in a big ol’ crowd of gay men, but Decadence is pretty fun. And besides, I like to think that I’m a vaguely social guy.

I am fully delusional.

On Friday night, Jonno and I went out to eat with friends — a social act, and a nice way to kick off the weekend. Yay for me. But afterward, I purposely dodged a house party because I knew it’d be crowded and full of fellow homosexualists and the just sort of thing to drive me crazy. Instead, I popped into the Golden Lantern for a bad drag show, which was no better, because as you might expect, several hundred other people had the same idea. I lasted ten minutes. Then I headed to the annual block party at the Phoenix, which I knew would also be crowded, but it’s outside, so my homoagoraphobia isn’t so goddamn crippling. (Plus, like I said: the eye candy. Oh, the eye candy.) And yet, half an hour later, I was ready to go.

(NB: it rained off and on Friday night, and every time a little wave of precipitation came through, the queens at the Phoenix would run for cover. Which would make sense if they were all West Hollywood-ized with shaggy hair and inch-thick foundation, but the people at that party are always bears and leather men. They wear jeans and, occasionally, harnesses. They are not known for elaborate hairstyles, at least above the neckline. So what’s the big deal getting wet, ladies?)

Anyway. Last night, Saturday night, I decided I was going to head out on the town and enjoy myself — not necessarily with The Gayz, but still in the Quarter, to see a rock show at One Eyed Jacks. Instead, I got sidetracked. Not by another party, not by friends dragging me to some fabulous thing, but by fonts. FONTS. I’m doing a website redesign, and I got obsessed with tweaking the typeface. Before I knew it, it was 1:00am. I packed it in and went to bed.

But enough of that: I’m turning over a new leaf. Today, I’m heading out to document the shenanigans come hell or high water (a phrase we don’t take lightly in New Orleans). For those who’ve never been to Southern Decadence, Sunday is the big day — the day of the parade. It’s a seething, sibilant mass of homosexuality, thousands upon thousands of boy-kissers drinking and flirting and throwing glitter on anything that moves. It alone is worth the trip. If I can’t drag my ass out of the house for that shit, somebody ought to book me into a retirement community in Boca.

http://www.gametrailers.com/remote_wrap.php?mid=55400

[via D. Goldenberg]