[via friends at LuridDigs, which is VERY NSFW]

I would like to believe that at some point, I knew Steven Seagal was a deputy with the Jefferson Parish sheriff’s department. Then again, the left side of my brain has been pretty kind these days, allowing me to forget all sorts of wonderful things:

[via BlogOfNewOrleans]
Side note on the subject of my forgetfulness: I am happy to report that I have to visit IMDB every time I want to spell Steven Seagal’s last name properly. Which has been, like, twice, but still.

Side note on Steven Seagal’s impossible-to-remember spelling of “Seagal”: at least it proves once and for all that he is no relation to actress extraordinaire Katey Sagal — who also insists on a funked-up family name, but I can forgive her. I will always forgive her.

I’ve posted this Francesco Vezzoli piece several times before, but the YouTube clips keep getting taken down. Thankfully, someone got smart and uploaded the full video to Veoh — which is great because really, what copyright-happy artist would bother checking Veoh?

Anyway, this version has Benicio del Toro (or however he spells his name) and also Gerard Butler, who seems to be everywhere these days except my boudoir. I’d blame Jennifer Anniston, but I already blame her for so many things.

http://www.veoh.com/static/swf/webplayer/WebPlayer.swf?version=AFrontend.5.4.2.23.1011&permalinkId=v336120kqxq5xRN&player=videodetailsembedded&videoAutoPlay=0&id=anonymous

This is la Montag‘s performance from last weekend’s Miss Universe pageant:

I expected it might be cheesy. I was not disappointed. I expected it might be appalling. Oh, and it was. I did not know what to expect with regard to Heidi’s dancing skills, but I wasn’t surprised: Auto-Tune can do a lot of things for crappy voices, but it can’t fix two left feet. Luckily girlfriend was lip-synching and her mike was off; otherwise, we might’ve heard “One, two, step, three-and-four” whispered over the P.A. as she did her allegedly sexy dance. I hope Christopher Guest was watching, ’cause she was totally infringing on his Waiting for Guffman choreography.

Here’s what I did not expect: full bastardization of the opening riff from Yaz’s “Situation”, which is easily one of the best songs of my youth.

You’ll pay for this, Montag.

Note to parents strolling the High Line: Don’t let your kids look up.

The Meatpacking District’s newly opened, much-touted urban park along an elevated, former railroad trestle has unwittingly turned into a peep show near The Standard hotel, as randy hotel guests perform sex acts in front of floor-to-ceiling hotel windows.

Disgusted neighbors say they’ve seen men masturbating, professional porn films being shot and couples engaging in sex in full view of the stunning High Line park path running alongside….

“I’ve seen a few porn shoots — three dudes walking around a hotel room with cameras and lights filming a couple,” said Joe, a manager at the next-door Brass Monkey. “I’ve seen at least 10 different people having sex. Saturday nights are the best time for the show.”

— continued at NYPost [via Towleroad]

Because being taken to school on a Sunday is always better than being taken to Sunday school. Werque.

Louisiana will waive sales taxes on purchases of firearms, ammunition and hunting supplies Friday, Sept. 4 through Sunday, Sept. 6. The so-called “Louisiana Second Amendment Weekend Sales Tax Holiday” was authorized by the state Legislature and will become an annual event.

—NOLA.com

Yes, I believe you know the posterboy. I can’t believe he posed for it either, but I’m very glad he did. Not to brag or shower him with accolades or anything, but, uh, YOWZA. Right?

Anyway, it’s going to be a great party. AND my friend Paul (aka Christeene) is going to be there cranking out a few numbers like that, yo. Filthy awesome.