At long, long, long last, my dear closepersonalfriend Christeene has an EP for sale, featuring the naughty, jaunty “Fix My Dick”; the Mary-J-meth ballad “Tears from my Pussy”; and my personal favorite, the four-in-the-morning-k-hole experience otherwise known as “slowly/easy”.

Presumably you understand that neither the music nor the videos that accompany them are in any way safe for work unless you work from home, and even then, your walls should probably be well insulated. You know: Gladys Kravitzes are everywhere.

Anyway: let the buying begin!

And for those who’ve forgotten the wonder of Miss Christeene (and who’ve slipped Gladys a roofie), a little afternoon pick-me-up:

http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf

This has nothing to do with anything, really, but since I’ve been working on so many ads and other graphic design pieces the past few weeks, I’ve spent lot of time wondering: what’s the best way to tell a story? That came up the other day when I stumbled across a slew of “edgy” condom ads, and it’s arisen again this morning, thanks to two unrelated pieces that deal with the same issue: freedom of the press.

The first comes directly from Reporters Without Borders, courtesy of Saatchi & Saatchi Paris:

Advertising Agency : Saatchi & Saatchi Paris, France
Client: Reporters Without Borders
Creative Director: Christophe Coffre
Art Director: Florian Roussel
Copywriter: Guillaume Blanc
Artistes: Stephen J Shanabrook & Veronika Georgieva
Retoucher: Panit Pundarik
Published: April 2010

And the second is a subscription pitch for Italy’s Il Manifesto — one that leverages data from Reporters Without Borders to play up fear of censorship:

Advertising Agency: TheName, Rome, Italy
Executive Creative Director: Carlos Anuncibay
Creative Directors: Alessandro Izzillo, Daniele Dionisi
Art Director: Alessandro Izzillo
Copywriter: Daniele Dionisi
Account Director: Luca Micheletta
Photographer: Andrea Melcangi
Published: March 2010

The two asks are very different — the former is soliciting donations to a nonprofit, the latter is soliciting subscriptions to a daily newspaper — but the emotional appeals are nearly identical. And that raises the question: which story sells? Is it the first, which clearly identifies a shared enemy and creates an immediate, visceral bond between the organization and the (presumably non-Chinese) reader? Or is it the second, more conceptual piece, which entices the viewer to linger longer on the page?

I suppose there doesn’t have to be a winner — Geico’s simultaneous gecko/caveman/creepy-money-with-eyeballs campaigns make it clear that multi-pronged approaches work just fine. But if I were trying to make a statement, and if I had a limited budget (as I always do), and if I had to choose one, which would I pick?

Although I love the simplicity and elegance of the second piece, I’d probably wuss out and go for the first because of very stupid, technical reasons:

• it’s got a face (phenomenologically, I think that’s important)
• it’s a big face
• it’s a recognizable face
• it tells the story very quickly

The paper texture is also a nice tie-in to the journalism message. And — call me crazy — but it’s vertical, and as a big ol’ drama queen I love tall, dramatic verticals.

Yes, people: these are the things that I think about at 5:30am on Wednesdays.

…but does funny work? I mean, I’ve never had to market a condom, so I’m not sure which approach works best.

Presumably, condom ads are weighted toward the young, since they’re more likely to need education and encouragement to use them. I know that’s not a universal rule, and I know there are studies that show the HIV infection rate among seniors are rising faster than among younger people, precisely because seniors haven’t been educated. Still, I’d wager that condom companies target young people more often than not.

I guess what I’m curious about is: what sort of ad campaigns for condoms have been most successful, and have they leveraged humor, fear, or — as in my favorite spot — passion to get the point across?

If you know the answer, share it with the rest of the class. I’d look that shit up myself, but it’s Sunday, and I’m transcribing The Stepford Wives by hand. You know: priorities.

AD CREDITS:
Advertising Agency: DLKW, UK
Creative Director:s Rj Warren, Paul Hancock
Art Director: Dylan Hewitt
Copywriter: John Comber
Illustrators: Ryca, Jimi Crayon, Teck 1, Alfa
Photographer: Angus Fraser

Last time we saw Dave Salmoni, I’d asked him to keep y’all company while I flipped from Blogger to WordPress. (Best move ever, BTW.) He’s also been spotted showering with lions, which is no bad thing.

Now video footage of Dave’s Flaunt photoshoot has arisen, in which the avid conservationist and part-time model talks about sexiness and passion and…um, something about elephants, I think.

Sorry, where was I?

[via Towleroad]

Bobby motherfuckin’ Trendy. YES.

Jonno:

I know 13 is not an auspicious number, but sometimes, there’s no getting around it. You have to plow through 13 to get to, say, 21 or 42 or 69 or any of the other numbers that people love to love.

And so, we’ve arrived at number 13. Here’s to another year together, and hoping that number 14 comes quickly.

xo Richard

P.S. I am not getting you lacey underthings, despite the suggestions of etiquette people. Nor am I getting you a barometer, which seems to be a popular gift for Brits. (Ahem: W? T? F?) I suppose I could get you a fur, but we’re in New Orleans, and you’re already fairly furry, so how about a cordless Dremel instead?

Yes, that’s a condom ad.

I mean, I kind of get it, but holy crap WHY GODDESS WHY?

Worst art direction EVER. Or maybe the best, if you’re a priest.

Credits
Advertising Agency: Young & Rubicam, Buenos Aires, Argentina
Executive Creative Director: Martin Mercado
Creative Director: Hernan Damilano
Art Director: Carolina Aguilar
Copywriter: Federico Aubone
Photographer: Matias Posti
Published: April 2010

The Funeral of Atala. Painted by Anne-Louis Girodet de Roucy-Trioson. From the Musée du Louvre, Paris, France. Oil on canvas (1808) 207 x 267 cm

This very popular, very schmaltzy work was inspired by the very strange, very long-winded novella Atala by François-René de Chateaubriand (whom the artist also painted, though he is less beddable than the model who posed for this work). Set in the American South, the plot of Atala involves a runaway priest, savage Indians, mistaken identity, and, of course, a romantic deathbed confession. Today, we have soap operas.

Portrait of Count Moritz Christian Fries and Countess Maria Theresia Fries with their child Moritz, born 1804. Painted by Francoise-Gérard. From the Österreichischer Galerie at Belvedere Palace, Vienna. Oil on canvas (1805) 223 x 163.5 cm [More info here and here]

As of today at 1:00pm:

• Two hounds (pictured; the other two prefer lounging indoors on my side of the bed, achoo)

• Two lizards (green anoles, my favorite)

• One cat (feral, living beneath Grey Gardens next door)

• One broad-winged hawk (several hundred feet above my head, but clearly in our airspace, rising on thermals in a wobbly circle)

• Several hundred, or thousand, or hundred thousand Buck Moth caterpillars, eating their way down the branches of the neighbor’s live oak and eventually falling into our garden, where I will almost certainly (i.e. definitely) grab one in the course of tying back rose vines, sucking in through my teeth as I wince from the pain of its fluffy tuft of toxic stingers.