John Mayer may have a new career. Let’s hope, anyway.

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After gum-flapper John Mayer told Playboy, um, EVERYTHING, he may have found an opportunity in the strangest of places. In between off-color comments and applauding Jessica Simpson’s sexual enthusiasm, Mayer confessed that his dream was to “write porn.” Vivid Entertainment, the adult film company that brought you Paris and Kim as you never wanted to see them, wants Mayer to to join the porn squad. TMZ reports that the Vivid’s founder, Steve Hirsch sent a letter to loud mouth mcgee, eager to sign him on as a writer. One of Hirsch’s points just has to be quoted. Has to be.
“We believe your incredible talent and passion, which have touched so many, can translate into a highly erotic adult film. Your understanding of the dynamics of relationships would undoubtedly appeal to both men and women.”

[SocialiteLife]

Well this is ridiculous (and wasteful and annoying).

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Yes, that’s a letter from the Census Bureau telling me to expect another letter from the Census Bureau. Which makes about as much sense as holding a meeting to schedule another meeting (which I do all the time, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying).

Now, I understand what the Census Bureau is trying to accomplish. I get the train of thinking: “If we tell the public to expect the 2010 Census in the mail, they’ll be on the lookout, won’t throw it away. They’ll be more likely to respond.” But going about it this way is kind of like preaching abstinence to a room filled with only prostitutes and nuns. (I think that’s a good analogy anyway. We’ll see.)

People who actually read their mail (i.e. nuns) are going to open the official census questionnaire when it arrives anyway. They may be slightly more alert now that they know it’s coming, but I’m guessing the effect of this heads-up letter will be minimal.

On the other hand, people who don’t read their mail (i.e. hookers) aren’t going to open this letter, so they won’t be on the lookout for the actual census questionnaire — which doesn’t matter, because they’ll probably just throw it out anyway. (NB: I’m not making a value judgment about prostitutes, but the ones I know lead such busy, interesting lives that they have little time for pedestrian matters like mail.)

For future reference, Mr. Robert M. Groves: spend your print budget on envelopes with a little spot color — maybe a bright red, yellow, or orange. Something people will notice. That’ll save you the cost of mailing letters to every household in America twice.

Did any of these search terms bring you here?

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Here are seven of the top ten search phrases that led people just like you (well, hopefully, not just like you) to this very spot:

apollo anton ohno nude
apolo ohno nude
apolo anton ohno nude
homoagoraphobia
apollo ohno nude
the crucible
Very very very very very very old ladies glory holes 

Which raises a very important question: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

And also: Why aren’t you searching for “vagina handbag montessori” anymore?

New Orleans men have the biggest penises in America

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Condomania tracked 27,000 men in 70 countries and declared New Orleans the BIG winner. Washington, DC came in second, with San Diego, New York City and Phoenix rounding out the top five. As far as the state-wide results, New Hampshire was the dark horse winner with Oregon, New York, Indiana and Arizona following.

[full story at BlogOfNewOrleans.com]

Though it’s also possible that our eyes are bigger than our dicks. Or maybe we buy one size up, just like we buy our pants.

Shopping on Ash Wednesday

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In light of yesterday’s debauchery, perhaps it’s time to invest in a few Hieronymus Bosch figurines. You know, as a sort of memento mori-slash-dustcatcher?

Just between us, I can’t believe they’re real, either. But they totally are!

[via Su]