I was never a fan of Elvis, but this wins some kind of prize in my book:

Yes, that’s a letter from the Census Bureau telling me to expect another letter from the Census Bureau. Which makes about as much sense as holding a meeting to schedule another meeting (which I do all the time, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying).

Now, I understand what the Census Bureau is trying to accomplish. I get the train of thinking: “If we tell the public to expect the 2010 Census in the mail, they’ll be on the lookout, won’t throw it away. They’ll be more likely to respond.” But going about it this way is kind of like preaching abstinence to a room filled with only prostitutes and nuns. (I think that’s a good analogy anyway. We’ll see.)

People who actually read their mail (i.e. nuns) are going to open the official census questionnaire when it arrives anyway. They may be slightly more alert now that they know it’s coming, but I’m guessing the effect of this heads-up letter will be minimal.

On the other hand, people who don’t read their mail (i.e. hookers) aren’t going to open this letter, so they won’t be on the lookout for the actual census questionnaire — which doesn’t matter, because they’ll probably just throw it out anyway. (NB: I’m not making a value judgment about prostitutes, but the ones I know lead such busy, interesting lives that they have little time for pedestrian matters like mail.)

For future reference, Mr. Robert M. Groves: spend your print budget on envelopes with a little spot color — maybe a bright red, yellow, or orange. Something people will notice. That’ll save you the cost of mailing letters to every household in America twice.

Here are seven of the top ten search phrases that led people just like you (well, hopefully, not just like you) to this very spot:

apollo anton ohno nude
apolo ohno nude
apolo anton ohno nude
homoagoraphobia
apollo ohno nude
the crucible
Very very very very very very old ladies glory holes 

Which raises a very important question: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

And also: Why aren’t you searching for “vagina handbag montessori” anymore?

Condomania tracked 27,000 men in 70 countries and declared New Orleans the BIG winner. Washington, DC came in second, with San Diego, New York City and Phoenix rounding out the top five. As far as the state-wide results, New Hampshire was the dark horse winner with Oregon, New York, Indiana and Arizona following.

[full story at BlogOfNewOrleans.com]

Though it’s also possible that our eyes are bigger than our dicks. Or maybe we buy one size up, just like we buy our pants.

[FYI, I took five pics all day. Jonno did much better.]

In light of yesterday’s debauchery, perhaps it’s time to invest in a few Hieronymus Bosch figurines. You know, as a sort of memento mori-slash-dustcatcher?

Just between us, I can’t believe they’re real, either. But they totally are!

[via Su]

[via Jonno]

YouTube now offers a look at your download speed and how it compares to other users, which in turn, gives you an idea of how your ISP stacks up. Not surprisingly, AT&T sucks total ass:

Help me Google Broadband, you’re my only hope.

I know this clip is a couple of months old, and in it, I know that Stephen Fry doesn’t say much that hasn’t been said many, many times before, but his rebuke of the Catholic church is beautiful and eloquent, and frankly, if he is accepting applications for new fans/stalkers, I would love to put my name on the list. I never heard back from Frank Rich, so I’ve got an opening (in my schedule).

Of course, I am not now, nor have I ever been, a Catholic. But I was raised in a devout, Southern Baptist household, and from what my papist pals tell me, the experience is oddly and unpleasantly similar, only with more rulers to the hand and less green bean casserole. So although I may never have been to catechism class (or whatever they call it), I can entirely identify with what Mr. Fry is saying. Word up, ladies and gentlemen.

FYI, this isn’t Fry’s entire speech, but it’s the best clip I can find on YouTube. The full bit is posted (in un-embeddable form) at DailyMotion.

[via BigEZBear]