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[via the boyfriend]

At this very moment, I’m burning backup copies of sound cues for Valley of the Dolls. And then, ladies and gentlemen, I’m done. Done. Well, except for the part about going to the theatre and doing the show.

When times are bad, it’s crucial to make yourself interesting and vital and to let everybody know you’re there. “Organizations that are cutting performances and marketing are going to be the losers,” [Kennedy Center president Michael Kaiser] warns. He also cautions them against reaching for the most familiar programming–Beethoven’s Fifth! The Nutcracker! Grease!–in the hope of drawing guaranteed crowds. “I talked to an opera company recently that has done some adventurous programming,” he says. “But this season they were just doing things like La Bohème. It wasn’t selling at all, and I’m not surprised. People have seen lots of La Bohème. They don’t need to see another one.”

— Time

More unintentional hilarity from David Vitter’s newsletter (which the technologically challenged senator still can’t manage to post online):

PHOTO SPOTLIGHT

“Last month, Olympic Gold Medalist Misty May Treanor dropped by my office in Washington, DC, to discuss her participation in a program designed to educate children about making healthy life choices and avoiding the dangers of underage drinking. Misty and her teammate Kerri Walsh won gold medals in beach volleyball at the 2004 and 2008 Olympic Games.” (Subtext: “PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE IS COMPLETELY CLOTHED AND THAT MY PENIS IS NOWHERE NEAR HER. IN FACT I HAVE COVERED IT WITH MY TIE TO PREVENT IT FROM SNEAKING OUT.”)

STUDYING THE RECORD OF SONIA SOTOMAYOR
“As the first Hispanic and only the fourth woman nominated for the Supreme Court, Judge Sotomayor is certainly making hopeful and positive history. Now we must study her record and philosophy carefully to ensure that she understands the proper role of the judge as impartial umpire – not pitcher or catcher.” (Subtext: “I HAVE NEVER PLAYED BASEBALL IN MY LIFE. BUT I LOVED THAT MOVIE BASEKETBALL.”)

“We didn’t kill anybody. We didn’t put anybody in a hospital. We’re not selling drugs. We’re not bad kids, you know. We did some porn. Get over it…I didn’t threaten anyone’s life. I’m puttin’ smiles on people’s faces.”

— Kenny Jordan, wrestler dismissed from his college in Nebraska after appearing on an adult website [Outsports via Towleroad]

http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/player.swf?mediaId=4231209

Belgian artist Jacques Charlier’s original plan was to disperse 100 posters depicting the symbolic “genitals” of 100 artists throughout Venice. The drawings are visual puns, with one written clue, and viewers are invited to guess to whom the genitals belong. For example, a Stanley knife stands for the Italian artist Lucio Fontana, a minimalist fond of slashing his canvases (the drawing comes with the clue “often used”).

For the man who once wrapped Berlin’s Reichstag, Christo’s image resembles a parcel, and the clue is “wraps in very special things”. Damien Hirst’s member is shown sliced and suspended in a tank of formaldehyde.

Charlier’s proposal was rejected by the Biennale authorities (for fear of offending the Venetian populace, and the artists whose genitals are represented). But Charlier has used this rejection as a stimulus for a massive publicity drive — a boat emblazoned with “100 Sexes D’Artistes” has been touring the canals of Venice, docking occasionally to let the public board to view the correspondence between Charlier, Biennale director Daniel Birnbaum and other authorities (while being served free prosecco, of course).

The French Human Rights League has also come out in support of the artist — claiming he has been censored. But this censorship has not prevented Charlier and his supporters from handing out booklets containing all 100 genital drawings, and offering free T-shirts to those who can guess the identity of at least 20 of the artists.

Charlier’s posters will tour several other European cities, including Antwerp and Belgrade.

— The Age

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Jonno and I went out for dinner last night. Nothing big, but he’s been out of town, and I’ve been busy with Valley of the Dolls, so together, we’ve been like ships in the night. We needed some time alone, away from the house.

As usual, I ate too much. For some reason, I was reminded of a special group of folks in Japan: a long-lived population who have developed a tradition of eating until they’re only 80% full. Apart from being totally random, I find that habit kind of fascinating, but I couldn’t remember where I’d read about it. Then today, as I was running some errands, I stumbled across The Splendid Table (a recent addition to WWNO’s weekend lineup), and host Lynne Rossetto Kasper was interviewing Dan Buettner, whose new book, The Blue Zones, discusses this Japanese community:

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Life is weird and wonderful, y’all.

Somehow, I am always the last to hear these things:

Wayne Doucet, a City Councilor from Evangeline, Louisiana, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

“If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner’s testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one Coonass’s life, then I have only three things to say: Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.”

— Agweb et al*

Which is creepy and disturbing for many reasons, but also darkly humorous. Because, really, it doesn’t matter if the nuts are wet.

* I should point out that this story is fairly easy to find online, but it is also reported verbatim every time, which is totally suspicious. More eyebrow-raising: it’s also attributed to an Australian politician. Sounds like a new meme.

I would just like to point out: all those people who once said that the internet would turn everyone into little Madagascars–lonely and isolated and incapable of communicating with other people–never counted on Facebook or Twitter or the bejillion other web means we’ve developed to be in constant contact with everyone we’ve ever met.

Sorry. The voices in my head and on my laptop, they are loud today.

My birthday is in a few months. Cough, cough.