A couple of months ago, I mentioned my sister’s newest Flash game, Rock and Roll Space Monkey. The premise is pretty simple: you are a rock and roll monkey. In space. And you shoot things–crazy, crazy things. Also: you play a lot of badass music that sounds like rock and roll. If this game does nothing else–and it does plenty, y’all—it demonstrates that Tiff knows how to work a theme in a TOTALLY AWESOME way.
Anyway, the game wasn’t really ready at the time, so I pulled the link. But now, the moment of truth has arrived, and people love it!
Then the theme song plays, and it’s the greatest theme song in the history of all mankind. I mean, look at how cool that monkey is. Just look at him! I’m not joking. There is no joke coming. He ranks right up there with Mr Fancy Pants in the list of top ten super sweet gaming protagonists. [BigMeanFlashGamer]
If you’re on a network that doesn’t filter content (as mine sadly does) then you can start playing it right now. Screw those end-of-year summaries and expense reports: rock out with your macaque out.
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JINGLE BELL GLOCK
Were you fool enough to ride out Katrina over by your mama’s house? After the storm, did the Boys in Blue putter by in a tricked-out swamp cruiser and declare that they would be better stewards of your Cadillac, your plasma TV, and your Remington 12-gauge? Well, Xmas has come early, kiddo: thanks to a new program overseen by the people who violated your Second Amendment rights in the first place, now you can get the 12-gauge back!
To retrieve your confiscated weapon, just read and follow the list of procedures below. Please note, however, that there’s no guarantee the NOPD has your firearm. (Sometimes they lose things. Nobody’s perfect!) But don’t let that stop you from saying a couple of quick novena’s to St. Jude and dropping by the Evidence Room. With a little luck and a little “palm grease”, you’ll be shooting yourself in the leg in no time!
Hurricane Katrina Firearms
City will return lawfully possessed firearms that came into possession of the New Orleans Police Department during the Hurricane Katrina period, August 29, 2005, to December 31, 2005.
What:
Those who may have had a firearm turned into the New Orleans Police during the Hurricane Katrina and aftermath period, August 29 to December 31, 2005, may apply for its return.
Who:
New Orleans Police Department
When:
Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Office hours, 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Where:
1116 Magnolia Street, New Orleans, LA 70115
How:
Complete this Firearm Release Form and submit in person to the New Orleans Police Department.
Firearm Release Form Directions/FAQ
This form only applies to firearms that came into the custody of the New Orleans Department during the period of Hurricane Katrina from August 29, 2005 to December 31, 2005.
There is no guarantee that we have your firearm!
IT ONLY APPLIES TO FIREARMS THAT WERE LAWFULLY POSSESSED.
IF IT CAME INTO CUSTODY AS THE RESULT OF AN ARREST OR MUNICIPAL CITATION, OR IF IT IS EVIDENCE, THE FIREARM REQUIRES A COURT ORDER BEFORE IT MAY BE RELEASED.
The form must be submitted with all fields completed in order to identify the proper firearm.
IF UNKNOWN OR NOT APPLICABLE, LEAVE THE FIELD BLANK.
The Form should be submitted in person to the New Orleans Police Department.
The Claimant is the firearm owner and the person who fills out the form.
Once NOPD receives the completed form which sets forth the specific identifying characteristics, a search for the firearm will be conducted.
If the search is successful, the Claimant will be asked to personally examine and verify ownership.
Only the Claimant may come in and inspect the firearm.
Proper identification, such as a driver’s license or state ID, will be required at the inspection.
The Claimant’s name will be run through a background check to determine if the Claimant is legally able to possess a firearm.
If it is determined that a particular firearm is in fact Claimant’s, the Claimant will be required to sign the Affidavit part at the bottom of the form at the Evidence Room.
The Claimant will also be required to complete a Release and Hold Harmless Agreement, agreeing to indemnify the City should a dispute arise as to the ownership of a firearm returned under these procedures.
This Release and Hold Harmless form must be signed in front of a Notary Public.
Once this release is returned by the Claimant to the Evidence Room, the firearm will be released to the Claimant.
Children should not be brought to the Evidence Room.
If there are any questions, please contact Sgt Robert Blanchard at (504) 658-5550
Note:This is only for lawfully possessed firearms for the applicable period, and does not apply to any firearm that is being held as evidence in a case or investigation.
–via the always unintentionally entertaining CityOfNO.com.
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I’ve spent the last 15 minutes staring at this sentence. But why?
A teenage couple was shot Friday night while the pair was apparently enjoying each other’s company in the backyard of what appears to be the home of the boyfriend’s parents, police said…. (nola.com)
Is it the weirdly tentative tone of the sentence, with its “apparently” and “appears to be”? Is it the weirdly suggestive tone of the sentence, with its “enjoying each other’s company”? Or is it just the clunky, stilted grammar? WHY CAN’T I MOVE ON?
FYI, the violent crime associated with the event is not what’s giving me pause. (Hello: New Orleans? Most Dangerous City in the US?) For those who don’t want to click through to read the whole piece, the kids are fine.
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FEMA SURPRISES WITH A BOOST TO MY PERSONAL ECONOMY
As you recall, we had a couple of hurricanes this season. By and large, New Orleans dodged the proverbial bullet (NB: Is there really a proverb about bullets?), but the majority of us still chose to evacuate for Gustav. Yeah, we may be stereotypically stubborn down here, but 90% of us know when to take a hint. And Katrina was a VERY BIG HINT.
As you may also recall, the evacuation did not go exactly as planned. Leaving, we were dicked over by Mississippi governor Haley Barbour, when he chose to shut down I-10 eastbound and forced everyone up I-59. Returning, we were screwed by our screwball mayor, who couldn’t seem to make up his mind about the process of re-entry. The Picayune even published an editorial entitled “Next Time, We’re Not Leaving”. It was definitely a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t moment.
At long last, however, there is some good news to report: FEMA has now made housing assistance available for everyone who evacuated. Specifically: FEMA will reimburse you for the cost of your hotel stay during the evacuation. Seriously: check the image at the top of this post. That’s the letter I got from FEMA just this morning. They’re not going to cover gas or meals or admission to the botanical gardens, but it’s better than nothing.
If you haven’t signed up for disaster assistance from FEMA, you still have time to do so. Click here to visit the Hurricane Gustav disaster page, then follow the links at the top to apply. Eventually, FEMA will kick out a letter and a reimbursement form for you to fill out and turn in. While you’re waiting for that to show up, you should probably go ahead and call the hotel where you stayed during your “hurrication”–unless you’re the really organized type who keeps these sorts of things lying around in accordion files. I am not.
Good luck!
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You know, of course, that in mid-November, “Meh” became a real word. Like, Scrabbleworthy and everything.
Sadly, “Meh” is so new to the dictionary that it doesn’t have an illustration to accompany or explain it. Luckily, I’ve just found one: Proposition 8: The Musical, penned by Marc Shaiman. On the one hand, this quasi-campy bonbon is many days late and many dollars short; plus it features Jack Black. On the other hand, there’s Maya Rudolph. Which makes it an unqualified “Meh” in my book:
I hate blog posts and status updates that begin, “OMG, I’m sooooo tired”, or “OMG, it is Friday yet?!?”, or “OMG, must…have…coffee….”
That said, I know that I’m personally guilty of at least two of the three. Also: I am damn tired, undercaffeinated, and wishing it were Friday. Blargh.
Until I come up for air again, try these vids on for size–two sent by closepersonalfriend and legendary New Orleanian, Mara Bentley, recently relocated to the Rio Grande. The dwellers of the border towns are the richer, clearly:
Les Inconnus: Auteuil Neuilly Passy
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Hey, New Orleans: is it just me, or is Doug MacCash a total douchebag?
I’ve had a beef with the guy for years–largely because of his policies on reviewing visual arts exhibitions. And let’s not even discuss his “taste level” (as a reviewer or as an artist). But now with Prospect.1, MacCash has given me a whole new set of things to complain about.
Full disclosure: I’m pretty close to Prospect.1, but even with that taken into account, it would seem to me, or to any fan of the visual arts, that MacCash simply doesn’t get what Prospect.1 is meant to be. More fundamentally: it seems MacCash has no idea what a biennial is meant to be.
Let’s go back to the weekend Prospect.1 opened. You know what got the cover focus of Lagniappe, the Picayune‘s arts and entertainment pullout? A haunted house. A freaking haunted house–instead of the largest international exhibition of contemporary art ever coordinated in the US. A freaking haunted house–instead of a major coup for the city of New Orleans and its citizens. A freaking haunted house–instead of a massive event that could drive tourism and the cultural economy for months to come.
Then there’s today’s article on the Universal Furniture building in the Bywater, which is being used for a P.1. exhibition of Pierre & Gilles’ work, as well as a group show by local artists. In his lead-in, MacCash says:
[Prospect.1] was a good news, bad news story for Crescent City artists. The good news: Big-time New York art curator Dan Cameron planned to produce the largest contemporary art show in U.S. history, drawing thousands of well-heeled collectors and art tourists. The bad news: The vast majority of New Orleans artists weren’t invited to be in it.
It’s as if MacCash’s understanding of the international art scene stops at the parish line. As if he’d expect the biennials at Venice or the Whitney to feature exclusively Venetian or New York artists, respectively. As if he’s disappointed to see leading contemporary artists from around the globe showing their work in New Orleans. For free.
As though that weren’t bad enough, MacCash then gives square footage to the ever-clueless Andy Antippas, who complains that P.1 is “elitist”. To which I say: WELL OF COURSE IT’S ELITIST: IT’S ABOUT THE BEST NEW WORK IN THE WORLD, BITCH.
My take: elitism is a necessary evil. It’s what keeps music, fashion, literature, design, food–everything moving forward. It’s what we do every time we say, “I’m over that, let’s move on.” You and I, we practice it ourselves every day. So, Mr. Antippas, yes, it’s elitist. BFD. You want to put together a show of grandmotherly string art from the YWCA, do it on your own dime.
New Orleans has moved beyond parochialism in so many ways, especially since The Storm. Sure, it lingers in the culinary arts, but we rule the school on that front: we can afford to be a little snooty. Visual arts, on the other hand? I mean, some of my best friends are artist, and there’s definitely some good stuff going on here, but c’mon…
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My crappy phone pic.
Black Fireworks on Black Friday + Video Goodness
1. So the boyfriend is pretty much the official installation photographer for Prospect.1. That means he’s documenting the works of the biennial–WHICH IS AWESOME–as displayed. If you haven’t taken a gander at his Prospect.1 set on Flickr, you totally should. Like, now.
Anyway: over the past few weeks, Jonno’s taken some great shots of Cai Guo-Qiang’s piece (aka “Black Fireworks”) at Colton School, but the artist has recently requested a few more that show people enjoying the work. So this Friday (aka “Black Friday”) Jonno’s inviting friends and total strangers (aka “you”) to join him in the school’s auditorium for a little staged art merriment. It’ll be like the school assembly you never had–you know, the one with massage chairs and dangling electrical things styled by that guy who art directed the Beijing Olympics? Here’s the deets:
What: Photo shoot for Cai Guo-Qiang’s “Black Fireworks” exhibition
Where: The Studio @ Colton School
2300 St. Claude Avenue (at Spain Street)
When:
Friday, November 28
11am – 12 noon
We need a dozen or two friends for a photo shoot at Prospect.1 artist Cai Guo-Qiang’s “Black Fireworks” installation in the auditorium at the Colton School this Friday at 11am. These photographs will be for the artist’s archive, and some will be published on his website.
Specifically, the artist would like photos of visitors enjoying the custom-designed massage chairs that are an integral part of the installation…so it’s your chance to enjoy some world-class art and get an amazing massage all at the same time! What could possibly be better?
If you haven’t yet explored the Studio @ Colton School yet, this is the perfect time to do so–in addition to the Cai Guo-Qiang installation, there are two other P.1 installations (Jose Damasceno and Tatsuo Miyajima) as well as dozens of local artists on display in the same building. And there’s also P.1’s Pierre & Gilles and dozens more artists in the St. Claude Collective exhibition at Universal Furniture just down the street.
The shoot will last approximately an hour; you’re welcome to wander in and out while it’s going on. While you’re in the neighborhood, there are lots of great places in the Faubourg Marigny to check out for lunch afterwards–we recommend the Cake Cafe on Chartres & Spain or the new Orange Couch on Royal & Mandeville.
No need to RSVP–but whether or not you’re able to join us on Friday, please do help spread the word by forwarding this email to anyone you think might be interested.
Hope to see you on Friday!
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2. Chriso got accepted to the Aveda School and his band’s latest video debuts on LOGO this Sunday night. Holler at the boy–or whatever you kids do these days.
For those who haven’t seen it, here’s the vid in question. Chriso’s the hottie rocking the sticks. (Note: the shibari-styled singer ain’t no slouch neither.):
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I wasn’t really into Al Copeland. His hair plugs were sad and laughable, and his racing boat fetish spoke to some wang-related insecurities. But whether you loved the man or only his chicken, you have to admit, this is kinda sweet. At the very least, it’s the best media alert to cross my desk today:
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The late Al Copeland’s famous Christmas display to make its final appearance Copeland Family To Hold Last Christmas Display Lighting on Saturday, November 29
WHAT: Locals and tourists alike recognize the symbolic tradition of the Copeland Christmas lights, as the official mark of the holiday season in New Orleans In a tribute to the legend–the late Al Copeland Sr.–his family will put the famous lights on display for the last time.
WHEN: Saturday, November 29, 2008, 6:00PM
*Media to arrive by 5:45PM*
LOCATION: The Home of the Late Al Copeland, 5001 Folse Drive, Metairie, LA
ADDITIONAL INFO: Al Copeland Sr. passed away earlier this year to Merkel Cell Carcinoma, a rare and deadly form of cancer. To honor his legacy, his family created the Al Copeland Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to contributing money for research to eradicate this rare cancer. To further culminate this holiday, the Copeland Family will be hosting a “Heaven on Earth” gala on Saturday, December 13. Admission is $100 and all proceeds go to The Al Copeland Foundation in support of Merkel Cell Carcinoma Research in Partnership with The University of Pittsburgh Merkel Cell Carcinoma Research Program. To learn more, please visit alcopelandfoundation.org.
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Some of you may know I used to write for Fleshbot. Some of you may also know that I was “downsized” a few weeks back.
That’s totally fine, because (a) Fleshbot was only a part-time gig, and (b) it took up a lot of my time. I gained many a gray hair trying to do my heavy-duty day job, work with a theatre company, run consulting gigs, and post about naughtybits all in one measly 24-hour day. It’s never fun to get canned, I suppose, but given my current workload, the dismay was tempered by relief. Also: sleep.
The only thing I kinda miss about the job is the news. Yeah, it was a pain in the ass to sift through my secret stash of smutty RSS feeds every morning, but there were some gems amid the dreck. I haven’t opened that folder since the beginning of October, but for some reason, I did this morning. Here are three of my favorite finds so far:
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1. Ricky Sinz’ Cock Will Survive, Punctuation In Critical Condition
So apparently, Ricky was all werkin and twerkin and crunkin and whatever else the kids get up to in the clubs these days when he felt a pain down there. Turns out an eager beaver fan with chops to match got down with Ricky’s dangly parts, which resulted in no small amount of retribution from Mr. Sinz. But while teabagging and teeth and tetanus may all be laughing matters, the issue of Mr. Sinz’ punctuation habits is very serious indeed. Note the excerpt:
so im performing on stage last night and some guy comes up and tips me a few times but judging by how messed up he was i knew he was gonna be trouble at some point in the night plus when i perform in gay clubs any man that comes in with a large group of obnoxious drunk women is bound for disaster its just the way it always works out when large groups of women come into gay bars where there are male strippers they usually block the stage from tipping patrons and try to flirt with the dancers and i hate to tell them we dont like it you kill our tips and want the world for free so get with the program but anyways [full post here]
Either he’s gone all Gertrude Stein on our asses, or someone needs to learn the value of an em-dash. (We assume he’s already familiar with the colon. Har!)
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2. Thevoice666: Not The One I Hear In My Head
Everyone likes a little dirty talk, right? In the heat of the moment, we all love to hear “Harder!” or “Faster!” or “Ooh, yes, love this babydoll!” (True story on the last one. Yeesh.) Good chatter in bed can make even the gangliest grandpa into a hot steaming load of Hugh Jackman–or grandpa, depending on your tastes. However, as every good talker knows, it’s not just the words you say, but how you say them that counts. And as if to prove that point, here’s a little audio from Xtube user Thevoice666. He claims to be a phone sex operator in Seattle, and admittedly he’s got great vocabulary, but I keep waiting for him to say, “Cum in the next ten minutes, and get a free Ginsu Miracle Shammy as our gift to you!” [Note: G-rated video, NSFW soundtrack. Adjust accordingly.]
3. Reese Rideout: Crazy Person, Or Just Rabid For Rodents?
I’m not exactly a fan of gay-for-pay gyrator Mr. Rideout. Sure, his body is hot, and he’s cute enough, but mixed with all that pomade and sweat and testosterone is a thin sheen of desperation, which is only attractive in Dennis Cooper novels, and even then it’s heavily qualified. However, Reese’s latest video may force me to reconsider my opinions:
I mean, at least he has a sense of humor. That’s occasionally a sign of sanity, right? (Not in the case of Francois Sagat[NSFW], but you know, for most people.)
P.S. Is it mere coincidence that Reese posts this toothy video on the same day that Ricky Sinz falls prey to an organ grinder?
Firearm Release Form
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