Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a while since I was in grad school, so I’m wondering if you could parse this photo and tell me what exactly the fuck is going on.

I mean, I know what’s going on in a literal sense because the photo came with all kinds of longwinded crazy info*. But in a post-Foucaultian, neo-Lacanian sense, what the hizell?

Also: does this mean that pedophilia has finally replaced skinny jeans as the new thing? Because I don’t follow trends much, but I’m REALLY over skinny jeans.

[via TheSuperficial]

* ANAHEIM, CA – MARCH 26:  In this handout image provided by Disneyland, Ryan Seacrest (R) and Justin Bieber prepare to watch “Captain EO” with more than 500 fans at Disneyland on March 26, 2010 in Anaheim, California. Contest winners from all over the country joined Seacrest and Bieber for a private event at Disneyland to celebrate the release of Bieber’s latest CD.  (Photo by Handout/Getty Images)

In my part-time gig as a car blogger, I’ve been pointed to some ridonkulously, unintentionally hilarious videos. But this clip from Emblem Alive has got to be either a giant-size April Fool’s gag, or a clip from Christopher Guest’s newest oeuvre. I mean, it just has to be. Please tell me it has to be.

Just as good? The press release. To wit:

Emblem Alive™ is the most impressive vehicle customization. It allows a car’s emblem to actually be adapted! Using patent pending VeSAM™ technology, Emblem Alive adds motions to the car emblem. Motions include moving the emblem away from the vehicle at various speeds, twisting the emblem, etc. Precision actuators put the emblem in motion. Sounds are emitted by a high fidelity speaker system. The sounds match the make of vehicle. For example, a Ford Mustang can sound like a galloping horse! Actions are also available. Imagine the Ford Cobra spitting out water!

Yes, imagine!

FYI, there’s more where that came from.

Organ donation: I get the concept. I even get the ad. What I don’t get is where on the human body this is supposed to be.

[via Copyranter]

I can play both sides of the fence when it comes to being appalled.

Oops, just as I was posting this, I stumbled across another. Looks like she did, too:

You know what? Just search for “drum woman”. There’s a lot going on there. “Drum man” isn’t nearly as much fun.

I’m not entirely sure this counts as stock photography. I mean, I don’t know anyone who’s ever started a design project by thinking to himself, “Hey, I should build this piece around a beefy, curiously lit, third-naked drummer that no one’s ever heard of.”

Then again, I wouldn’t mind meeting him. Or the drummer.

I don’t often get spam (thank you, Gmail), but when I do, it’s usually pretty interesting.

Case in point: this bit of dummy text, which comes from a 1931 sci-fi novel by Raymond “Ray” Cummings called Brigands of the Moon. The book itself seems fairly run-of-the-mill (with “brigands” in the title, it could’ve gone either way), but this excerpt had just enough military tension to make me skim a few pages. I know, I know: I’m such a homo.

Mr. Cummings died in 1957, but if his estate is reading this run-of-the-mill blog: your patriarch’s work is still being read. And dumped in the trash.

Subject line:

An pressures at depths of four thousand fathoms.

Body:

“Commander’s orders. No gambling gold-leafers tolerated here.”

“Play the game, Wilks.” Grantline said quietly. “We all know it’s infernal — this doing nothing.”

“He’s been struck by Earth-light,” another man laughed. “Commander, I told you not to let that guy Wilks out at night.”

A rough but good-natured lot of men. Jolly and raucous by nature in their leisure hours. But there was too much leisure here now. Their mirth had a hollow sound. In older times, explorers of the frozen polar zones had to cope with inactivity, loneliness and despair. But at least they were on their native world. The grimness of the Moon was eating into the courage of Grantline’s men.

Many people say that beauty pageants are old-fashioned and/or sexist and/or degrading and/or a terrific bore. Many people see those transgressions as reason enough to shut down the American pageant circuit this very minute.

Those people are lazy.

If they dug a little deeper, they would understand that the real reason pageants are bad is because the contestants are liars, thieves, and murderers. As proof, cast your gaze and whatever the aural equivalent of “gaze” is on Miss Arkansas 1994’s performance of “And I Am Telling You, I’m Not Going”:

FRAUDS. That is not “And I Am Telling You”. That is the imposter fragrance of “And I Am Telling You”, who is filling in at a dinner party and trying to remember to stay in character, while the corpse of the real “And I Am Telling You” is being wrapped in a poly-blend area rug and hurled into the Mississippi River.

If Regis Philbin will not stand up for American musical theatre, I ask: WHO WILL?

[via Hit-or-Miss]

Say what you will (and I know that you will), but Will Schwartz is kind of adorable.

Almost as good? The Donkey Punch, as explained on Fox “News”:

Avert your gays (and lesbians):

After filming six seasons of MTV’s The Hills, [hardcore plastic surgery enthusiast] Heidi Montag is ready to say goodbye to the show that shot her to reality fame.

“I’m so excited The Hills is finally over and I can now become a full time motion picture actress,” Montag tells PEOPLE exclusively of the news that the show will come to an end. “There is no better training [for an actor] than being in front of the cameras 24-7.”

[via People (no, I don’t read it)]