Last week, tweets were flying over a not-so-clandestine meet-up between director Gus Van Sant, screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, and actor Taylor Lautner. Since the three were spotted leaving an LA eatery on Wednesday night, there’s been plenty of rumor and speculation about what the three might’ve been up to (apart from not eating).

If the gossip mongers had just asked me, though, I would’ve been happy to tell them. By which I mean, offer some guesses about the topic of discussion:

1. A sequel to My Own Private Idaho. (Working title: My Own Gated Community in Southwestern Boise.) Katherine Keener and Patricia Clarkson play MILFs fighting for control of the neighborhood association. Lautner teaches them heartfelt lessons about life, love, and the perfect pot brownie. Then he kills them.

2. The inevitable Sad Keanu movie, in which Lautner would serve as stunt-double.

3. Robert Pattinson: is he really as nice as people say?

4. Who’s going to be mayor of Millions of Milkshakes?

5. Who’s got invites to Google+? And is it “Google+” or “Google Plus”?

6. How to kill skinny jeans once and for all without causing the return of Z. Cavariccis. (Yes, they’re still here.)

7. Amway.

Of course, it’s possible that Lautner has simply been drafted for the staged reading of Prop 8 transcripts that’s being put together by Mr. Black. Which would be fine, but far less interesting than Amway, IMHO.

In my humble opinion, ladies and gentlemen, we have been deprived of Ed Norton for too long. We have shunned him, and it is time to right past wrongs.

Did he skirt the fringes of douchebaggery early in his career? He certainly did. Did he skim the accretion disk surrounding the black hole of Courtney Love? You betcha. But Norton persevered, emerging as an actor’s actor.

Over the past decade or so, he’s had a few more stumbles. Keeping the Faith. The Incredible Hulk. And of course, Death to Smoochy, which was like watching Paris Hilton cover your testicles in chalkboard paint, then letting her scrape her fingernails across them for an hour and a half while she belts out her rendition of “I’ve Got the Music in Me”. That may sound like a party to some of you, but you are in the minority.

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A quick apology to anyone who might’ve tried to stop by yesterday. I decided I’d get all fancy and switch to a new webhost, and in doing so, I managed to flub the WordPress install/import big time. Ugh, Tuesdays.

I still plan on going through with the change — that is, if I don’t give up on self-hosting altogether and move to WordPress.com. But just between you and me, I think I’m too much of a nerd for that. (See photo for proof.)

By way of apology, here’s a photo of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall eating an ice cream cone:

Straight men, I gotta know: does that do anything for you?

Weird: a few days ago, I posted a Hyundai ad that featured a lesbian plotline. At first, I found it confusing — not because the narrative was convoluted, but because Hyundai is one of the world’s few automakers that’s not gay-friendly. (Nor is its sister, Kia, FWIW.)  But as I said at the time, the spot was built by a Canadian firm, so I thought that maybe Hyundai was just being culturally sensitive — you know, since marriage equality is the law of the land in the Great White North.

A reader by the name of Anthony who lives in Vancouver was kind enough to verify that yes, the clip in question ran on Canadian TV, nixing any thoughts I’d had that it might’ve been a student ad or other mock-up. So could Hyundai be on the road to change?

A few days later, AdWeek posted a rundown of “The 50 Gayest Ads Ever” (whatever that’s supposed to mean). And when I finally got around to skimming the piece, I noticed that in the middle of all the double-entendres and psych-outs (you know: like that Doritos Super Bowl ad from earlier this year) was another Hyundai ad.

This time, Hyundai’s ad hails from Sweden, where same-sex marriage is also legal (though technically, the clip dates from 2006, three years before marriage equality was enshrined in Swedish law). And just like the Canadian ad, it feels, well, disappointing. Have a look:

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The image above came from a  TMZ post (apparently removed) that allegedly came with the caption, “TMZ has obtained a photo of a glistening Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich laying topless on a beach in Greece … days before his campaign staff quit over the timing of his two-week vacation.”

You seem much fatter
When you’re on Fox, talking shit
about bogus threats.

Not that you’re skinny —
like me, you could lose a few —
we’ll call you “average”.

But if you’re thinking
that this pic will clinch your bid,
you’re crazy, dumbass.

P.S. TMZ
Says “laying”, but you’re “lying”.
Which is typical.

[pic via Towleroad]

A new graphic hit the interwebs yesterday: a poster for the upcoming “documentary” about Sarah Palin called The Undefeated.

I say “documentary” instead of documentary because by all accounts The Undefeated is a glossy, image-buffing story of Palin’s brief life in politics (made briefer when she voluntarily moved out of the governor’s mansion). Presumably the director’s goal is to generate interest in Palin before she announces her candidacy for the 2012 presidential race and to encourage the public to forget certain things about her — like about 90% of what we’ve seen captured on video. Oh: and the fact that she’s not actually “undefeated”.

But whatever the film is or isn’t is a little beside the point now, because I can’t get past the poster. Have a look:

Does that remind you of anything? Stylistically, I mean?

Maybe I’m crazy — and I’m definitely no scholar of art history — but all that symbolism, that heavy-handed collage, and the weird, cut-out effect remind me of nothing so much as Chinese propaganda posters. This isn’t a great example, but, you know:

I understand that propaganda posters of all sorts — “good” and “bad” — have a similar look. They tend to deify the central characters, make them look larger than life. But as one of those people who criticized Obama for playing the role of “messiah”, you’d think that Palin (or those trying to make her more palatable to people with actual human brains) might’ve opted for something more…subtle.

Of course, the five-pointed stars aren’t helping. Come to think of it, I’d never really noticed the similarities between the flags of Alaska and mainland China. I’m not implying anything about my Chinese or Alaskan or Chinese-Alaskan friends, but observe:

But you know, this is all just me. I’m sure that most people looking at the promo image for The Undefeated would see it for what it is: a terrible hack-job of a movie poster.