Scenes from Paul Lynde’s (nearly) forgotten Halloween special,
with Margaret Hamilton, Florence Henderson, and Kiss
Because posting a video is way easier than writing about politics or religion or why it is so freaking cold in the house. However, it does beg a serious question: WHAT THE HELL WERE TV PRODUCERS SMOKING IN 1976? Also: if they were still smoking it today, would viewers be free from the tyranny of Atlanta/New York/OC housewives and their insipid spawn?
GOODBYE, FREE TIME
Well, at least for a week.
OPEN TABS IN MY BROWSER
OR, THINGS I AM KINDASORTA LOOKING AT
1. The trailer from Joan Crawford’s Berserk (a movie now being parodied by our friends in Chicago, Hell in a Handbag):
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2. This craftsy watermelon brain–which I’d be way more likely to eat than any garden-variety watermelon plucked from the back of some guy’s truck:
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3. Brick’s Hanky Code for Witches, including:
Hanky: Fishnet
Type: Drag Witch
Drug of Choice: amyl nitrate, whippets, poppers
Music of Choice: Scissor Sisters. Obital’s “Halcyon” or anything with a wailing black songstress set to a disco beat
Hanky: Black Cloth with Smiley Face
Type: Perky/Raver witch
Drug of Choice: X, Shrooms ‘n Acid
Music of Choice: The Orb, German techno and post 1990 Cure
Which of my inner-witches will win out: the Romanti-Stregherian or the Silicon Valley Techno Nerd? I suppose I should roll a d20 to decide…
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4. Speaking of d20s: ever wondered what it’d sound like if today’s politicos played D&D?
PALIN: Hi folks! Sorry I’m late! I brought caribou burgers.
HILARY: Who the HELL is this?
MCCAIN: It’s cool, she’s with me.
HILARY: No! No, it’s not cool! Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!
MCCAIN: Now, that is patently untrue.
BIDEN: He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.
MCCAIN: DUDE. SHUT UP.
GM: You guys, seriously, if you don’t knock it off with the bickering I’m going to start docking XP.
MCCAIN: You know what? Fuck it. I’m suspending the campaign.
GM: You can’t do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn’t suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I’m not going to suspend it now.
KUCINICH: YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP
MCCAIN: Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don’t even count.
KUCINICH: YOU GUYS ARE DICKS
BIDEN: Where are the Cheetos?
RON PAUL: Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?
GM: You find Mitt’s lifeless, drained corpse has been stuffed in the broom closet.
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5. Also on the nerd/annoyance front: do-nothing Asshat-At-Large Ed Blakely may soon step down as “recovery director” for New Orleans. You know, since his work here is done and everything.
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6. This vaguely illuminating piece about the behind-the-scenes maneuvering that led to Palin being selected as GOP veep candy. It appears for realz in this Sunday’s New York Times; here’s an interesting excerpt:
The following night, after McCain’s speech brought the convention to a close, one of the campaign’s senior advisers stayed up late at the Hilton bar savoring the triumphant narrative arc. I asked him a rather basic question: “Leaving aside her actual experience, do you know how informed Governor Palin is about the issues of the day?”
The senior adviser thought for a moment. Then he looked up from his beer. “No,” he said quietly. “I don’t know.”
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7. Even creepier: this hilarious/ominous fantasy scenario cooked up by Jesus’ General:
Sen. McCain was cut short when his office door swung rapidly open, hitting the wall with a crash and Sarah Palin strode angrily into the room….
“I’ve been listening,” she began, “I’ve heard every word.”
She continued:
Take your pen back to Dole and McConnell. They are irrelevant, now. The Party is irrelevant. John McClain is irrelevant. This campaign is about my return in 2012, when I redeem the Party and the nation and usher in an era of Biblically-based free-market-oriented governance.
But the Party must die first. It must be purged of those who gave us that ancient pile of festering anger you came to depose. It must also be cleansed of the Giulianis and Romneys and others who worship at the false alters of idolatry.
That is what this election is about. That is what this election will be, the Republican Party’s apocalypse. I will return after
the cleansing and preside over a rapture of the righteous, raising up the most worthy to lead a new Republican Party into victory.Will you be among those I rapture, General?
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8. And as if all that weren’t enough to think about, the creationists are back. They’ve lost the battle of the brain, but they’re still aiming to win the war over the soul. Argh, I say.
Reigning Miss Louisiana Teen USA Lindsey Evans has been stripped of her crown after being arrested for marijuana possession and skipping out on a restaurant tab….
Evans, 18, and three of her friends walked out on a $46.07 bill at the Posados Café in Bossier City, La., on Saturday night. But Evans made a crucial misstep — she left her purse behind.
Police were called, and according to them, they found not only her driver’s license, but also a bag of marijuana in her purse.
Evans and her friends — Jordan James, 18, Jennifer Martin, 22, and Morgan Goleman, 18 — returned to the restaurant to retrieve the purse, just as officers were about to leave the scene….
[T]he women admitted that they purposely left without paying their bill, though at least one of the women blamed the restaurant.
“The service was so slow, we just said, ‘Screw it,’ and left,” Martin told the New York Post….
— full story at MSN.com, via BlogOfNewOrleans.com [emphasis totally mine]
Helen Lovejoy Is Alive and Well and Living in Montana
The Lewis and Clark Public Library in Helena, Mont., has voted to keep on the shelves a book about gay sex.
The book is titled “The Joy of Gay Sex.” Board chairwoman Carole Byrnes acknowledges the book includes graphic pictures and descriptions but said she views it as an instructional, education manual that shouldn’t be censored.
Helena resident Paul Cohen requested that the book be removed. He described it as “pornographic” and said the library was negligent in providing a “safe place” for children and adolescents….
FoxNews.com, via Queerty
Unless it were wrapped in razor blades and poisoned scarves, I fail to understand how The Joy of Gay Sex could make a library “dangerous”. If anything, I think it’d make the place safer–especially for GLBT youth. It might also make things duller. (I mean, have you seen the book? It’s written by Snoozy Kurtz.)
And more importantly: since when do libraries have to be “safe places”? They’re not halfway houses (despite homeless folks’ fondness for free computers and restrooms). You want safe places? Funnel more government dollars into schools and the social service sector, bitch.
FYI, a fuller version of the story was posted at The Missoulian, but has since been taken down, leaving us with the mere slip-of-a-girl piece at Fox “News”. What gives?
GAH! ARGH!
I am having a Francine Fishpaw kind of week: I’d drink gasoline if it were in a bottle. Stay tuned for details.
P.S. Today is Jonno’s birthday. I’d suggest you stop by and wish him many happy returns. Remember: he knows where you live.
BREAKING NEWS:
MCCAIN INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!
I mean, sure, Sarah Palin already knew that she was “a cold political calculation”, but does McCain really think that undecided ladyvoters will enjoy hearing her described as “a direct counterpoint to the liberal feminist agenda”?
I think something in that square, square head done snapped, y’all.
Color me 100% jealous: tonight, Jonno begins his annual spate of pre-birthday celebrations by attending the Girl Talk show at House of Blues–a show which is 100% sold-out.
No, that’s okay, I’ll be fine. I’ll just sit here watching Stacy and Clinton do their predictable empire-waisted thing while you go off and watch some genius hotass nutjob perform his brilliant album, which has been the only thing I’ve listened to for, like, the past squillion months. No, I’ll be fine.
Mah.
Another developer for Tempest in Crescent City has written me. He did so in confidence, so I don’t feel comfortable posting his email, but here’s my response–slightly redacted–which pretty well sums up my feelings at this point:
Thanks for the note. I’m happy to hear that you spoke to a New Orleanian about the project…. And rest assured, I didn’t dismiss your project simply because it’s a game. Obviously, I’m a pretty avid gamer myself–otherwise, I never would’ve stumbled across the link at PlayThisThing.com.
Here’s my problem: I don’t believe you’ve fully and honestly addressed the “shock” factor of Tempest. You could’ve focused the plot on any number of disaster scenarios, real or imagined: fires in the Southwest, tornadoes in the Midwest, an earthquake in San Francisco, etc. I’m guessing you chose Hurricane Katrina because it’s known to students and because it’s emotionally and politically charged.
Which is fine, but many New Orleanians–myself included–are tired of Katrina being used to foment race/class conflict and for other political ends. We just want our city, homes, lives back. You’ve appropriated the disaster for your own purposes, with little obvious benefit to the people who’ve actually suffered from the disaster. (FYI, if you were intending to use it to ease the stress of school children in New Orleans, you’re probably a couple of years too late.)
I hate to sound essentialist or parochial, but here’s the fact of the matter: for the past three years or so, we’ve had non-locals giving us advice–mostly unsolicited. What we’re doing wrong. What we ought to be doing. How we ought to feel. They don’t speak with us so much as at us. Their hearts may be in the right place, but their words are often patronizing and very, very offensive. Whether you like it or not, your team and this game have fallen into exactly the same trap.
So my suggestion to you–and can take it for what it’s worth, but bear in mind, I have the pleasure of negotiating these issues every day–is don’t worry about the New Orleans market, because you’re probably pretty doomed on that front. If nothing else, your identity as a non-New Orleanian–to say nothing of your race/class identity, about which I know nothing (beyond a pretty accurate Google Image search)–will prevent you from being taken seriously by many here. Although a lot of people have moved on from the disaster, Katrina is still a HIGHLY volatile issue, and the mere fact that you’ve made it a game will render it offensive to most. Add to that the fact that you’ve done little on-the-ground outreach here in New Orleans, and you sink another few inches.
I don’t speak for all New Orleanians. I can only guess at what they’d say. But based on my experience of the city and its communities and outreach efforts and everything else, I can pretty much guarantee that the cards are stacked against you.
Your target demo, as I’ve said, may be more comfortable with the game, but if I were you, I’d use this for the kids in your own neighborhood who aren’t weighed down by the baggage of homes, lives, and family members lost to a sudden, violent, unstoppable meteorological event–one that, given climate trends, is likely to re-occur any summer now.
Dear America:
You know that thing you do–where you hear the word “racism” and you think “the South”? Well, please stop. These crackers could totally out-bigot anyone below the Mason-Dixon:
And don’t be all like, “Al Jazeera? That’s one of them A-rab papers! How you gonna trust what they report?” ‘Cause as an occasional thespian, I can tell you, those people ain’t acting. Also: CNN pops up in other countries all the time, and you trust their reporting, don’t you?
Spread the blame, that’s all I’m sayin’.
sturtle [dot] com 